


Nevelocity

by schillingklaus



Category: Big Time Rush, Drake & Josh, Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide, The Epic Adventures Of Bucket & Skinner, Unfabulous, Victorious, Zoey 101, iCarly
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Archaic Language, Canon Crossover, Classical Music, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Digressions, Elementary School, Foreign Language, High School, Multiple Crossovers, Multiple Pairings, Religious Content, Religious Imagery & Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-02-07
Packaged: 2018-01-11 09:23:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1171404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schillingklaus/pseuds/schillingklaus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elementary school boy Nevel Papperman comes to live with his cousin Mindy Crenshaw in San Diego.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nevelocity

# Nevelocity

### Klaus Schilling  
  
---  
  
## Rating

PG-13

## Disclaimer

This is a derivative work of _Nickelodeon_ shows and other subsequently specified quoted and paraphrased works of art I don’t own.

## Abstract

Nevel Papperman has to move to his relatives — the Crenshaws — in San Diego as an elementary school boy.

# Synopsis

## Genres

Mystery, Spritual, Family, Friendship, Science Fiction, Fluff et alii

## Fandoms

The story occurs in the identified **universe** of a huge variety of current or past live action shows produced for _Nickelodeon_ channel, including, but not restricted to, _Drake & Josh_, _Victorious_ , _Zoey 101_ , _The iCarly Show_ , _How To Rock_ , _Big Time Rush_ , _Unfabulous_ , _Ned_ _’_ _s Declassified School Survival Guide_ , _True Jackson VP_ , _Supah Ninjas_ , _House Of Anubis_ , _Just Jordan_ , _Fred The Show_ … and makes heavy use of a variety of members of their casts.

## Prerequisites

Knowledge of as many _Nickelodeon_ live action fandoms as possible, especially _Drake & Josh_ and _The iCarly Show_ , is truly appreciated, but, by design, rudimentary knowledge of the main characters and plot lines, as taught by the corresponding _Wikipedia_ pages, is sufficient.

## Timeline

### 2003/04

_Drake & Josh_: Season 1, Season 2 until _Little Diva_

### 2004/05

_Drake & Josh_: rest of Season 2, Season 3 until _Helen_ _’_ _s Surgery_ ; _Zoey 101_ : Season 1; _Unfabulous_ season one and two, but with most of season one as a dream by Addie Singer; _Ned_ _’_ _s Declassified School Survival Guide_ : Season 1 and 2

### 2005/06

_Drake & Josh_: rest of Season 3; _Fairly Odd Movie_ as a dream of Drake Parker as Timothy Turner; _Zoey 101_ : Season 2; _Ned_ _’_ _s Declassified School Survival Guide_ : Season 3; _Ned_ _’_ _s Declassified School Survival Guide_ : season three; _Unfabulous_ : season three, but episode _Talent Show_ as a nightmare of Addie Singer

### 2006/07

_Zoey 101_ : Season 3 until _Chase’s Grandma_ ; _Just Jordan_ : Season 1; _The Last Day Of Summer_ ; _Shredderman Rules!_ ; _Star And Stella Save The World_ as a dream of Stella Rivera alias the same actress’s anonymous cameo in _Zoey 101_ : _Surprise_ ; _Drake & Josh_: Season 4 as a dream of Megan Parker

### 2007/08

_The iCarly Show_ : Season 1; _Just Jordan_ : Season 2; _Victorious_ as a dream of Lola Martinez alias Tori Vega; _Spectacular!_ as a dream of Tammi Tyson alias Lola Martinez; _Zoey 101_ : rest of season 3 and season 4 as a dream of Zoey Brooks

### 2008/09

_The iCarly Show_ : Season 2 until _iRocked The Vote_ ; _Best Player_ as a dream of Quincy Johnson alias Spencer Shay; _The iCarly Show_ : Rest of season 2 and later seasons as a dream by Carly Shay; _True Jackson VP_ : Season 1 until _True Wedding_ , _The House Of Anubis_ as a dream of Nina alias Dakota North; _Fred The Show_ as a dream of Fredrick Ficklehorn from _The iCarly Show_ : _iMeet Fred_

### 2009/10

_Big Time Rush_ : Season 1; ; _True Jackson VP_ : Season 1 since _Back To School_ , Season 2 until _True Love_ ; _The Troop_ as a dream of Haley Steele.

### 2010/11

_Big Time Rush_ : part of Season 2; _Big Time Rush_ : rest of season 2, season 3, and any later as a dream of Kendall Knight; _Bucket & Skinner_ _’_ _s Epic Adventures_ ; _Supah Ninjas_ : Season One; _Bucket & Skinner_ _’_ _s Epic Adventures_

### 2011/12

_How To Rock_ ; _Supah Ninjas_ : Season 2

### 2012/2013

_Wendell & Vinnie_: season one; _marvin_ : Season one

## Summary

Because of troubles at his elementary school in Seattle, Nevel Papperman is sent to San Diego in order to live with his relatives, the Crenshaws.

This fact, and Nevel’s decisions, change the plot lines of _Drake & Josh_, _The iCarly Show_ , and their sibling shows significantly.

In particular, Nevel is drawn into the conflict between his cousin Mindy and her archenemy Drake Parker when he cares too much about Megan Parker.

Nevel is also worried by Mindy’s plans of revenge against Zoë Brooks.

There also seems to be a secret concerning his locker, numbered _239_.

**Couples** include Nevel Papperman / Megan Parker, Drake Parker / Ashley Blake, Mindy Crenshaw / Josh Nichols, Walter Nichols / Coco Wexler, Audrey Parker / Gavin Mitchell, Helen Dubois / Gustavo Rocque, Addie Singer / Chase Matthews, Wendy / Michael Barret

## Acknowledgments

### Prompts And Challenges

The story is written in part for _LiveJournal_ -Community _A-Z_. The relevant segments: 

_A_ (cf. 11!); _B_ (cf. 3!); _C_ (cf. 19!); _D_ (cf. 8!); _E_ (cf. 20!); _F_ (cf. 14!); _G_ (cf. 1!); _H_ (cf. 4!); _I_ (cf. 16!); _J_ (cf. 9!); _K_ (cf. 25!); _L_ (cf. 12!); _M_ (cf. 2!); _N_ (cf. 13!); _O_ (cf. 6!); _P_ (cf. 5!); _Q_ (cf. 10!); _R_ (cf. 26!); _S_ (cf. 15!); _T_ (cf. 22!); _U_ (cf. 7!); _V_ (cf. 21!); _W_ (cf. 24!); _X_ (cf. 17!); _Y_ (cf. 18!); _Z_ (cf. 23!);

# Contents

  * Chapter 1  Good-Bye, Seattle!
  * Chapter 2  Melinda Crenshaw
    * 2:1  Welcome To San Diego
    * 2:2  Mindy’s Room
    * 2:3  A Lullaby Story
  * Chapter 3  Belleview Elementary School
    * 3:1  Administration Office
    * 3:2  Hallways And Lockers
    * 3:3  Honour Rolls
    * 3:4  The Cafeteria
    * 3:5  The Library
    * 3:6  Sign Ups
  * Chapter 4  Homeroom Classes
    * 4:1  First Session
    * 4:2  The Yearbook
    * 4:3  The Solo Oboe
  * Chapter 5  Première Theater
    * 5:1  The Place To Hang Out
    * 5:2  The Staff
    * 5:3  Regular Visitors
      * 5:3:1  Looming Talent Show
  * Chapter 6  Oboe Practice
    * 6:1  Asking Megan
    * 6:2  Choice Of A Tune
    * 6:3  Kelly Peckinpaw
    * 6:4  Welcome To Helen’s Cabaret
  * Chapter 7  Unfabulous Adelaide Singer
    * 7:1  Spring Break
    * 7:2  Invitation To Addie’s Residence
    * 7:3  The Singers’ Residence
      * 7:3:1  Addie’s Guitar
      * 7:3:2  Addie’s Local Friends
      * 7:3:3  Josh And Mindy
  * Chapter 8  Devin Malone
    * 8:1  Win A Guitar
    * 8:2  Fractured Hand
    * 8:3  Drake’s Successful Career Start
  * Chapter 9  Jock Alert
    * 9:1  The Football Team
    * 9:2  Misguided Josh
    * 9:3  Equipment Manager
    * 9:4  Josh Becomes Trainer
    * 9:5  Pep Rallye
  * Chapter 10  Questions And Answers
    * 10:1  Gadgets For Pranks
    * 10:2  Wayne Gilbert
    * 10:3  Academic Bowl
    * 10:4  Tossup Questions
  * Chapter 11  Ashley Blake: The Queen Of Drama
    * 11:1  A Celebrity To Come
    * 11:2  Ashley’s Prsonal Assistant
    * 11:3  The Interview
    * 11:4  The Première Party
  * Chapter 12  Low And High Pressure
    * 12:1  Back At Belleview
    * 12:2  Josh On TV
    * 12:3  More Talent
  * Chapter 13  Neurotic Obsession
    * 13:1  Ranger Scouts
    * 13:2  Wendy Likes Drake
    * 13:3  Gustavo’s Conditions
    * 13:4  Drake Goes On
  * Chapter 14  Foul Deals
    * 14:1  Lucky Shirt
    * 14:2  Buddy And Guy
    * 14:3  Locked Up
    * 14:4  Set Free
    * 14:5  Gary Wants His Money Back
  * Chapter 15  Spring Fling At PCA
    * 15:1  Ashley’s Return Into Drake’s Life
    * 15:2  Traditional Party
    * 15:3  The Heartless Diva?
  * Chapter 16  Inn Finders Keepers
    * 16:1  Palmwood Springs
    * 16:2  New Business Idea
    * 16:3  Mindy’s Objections
    * 16:4  Bitter Lessons
  * Chapter 17  Xenophilia
    * 17:1  Yewka Of Yewdonia
    * 17:2  Ma Glockma
    * 17:3  Josh Is Married
    * 17:4  Invalid
  * Chapter 18  Yes!
    * 18:1  Consequences For Relationships With Yewdonia
    * 18:2  Another Science Fair Ahead
    * 18:3  Fun With Magnetism
    * 18:4  Love, Not Just Date
    * 18:5  Promise Rings
  * Chapter 19  Critical Situations
    * 19:1  Walter Gets A New Job
    * 19:2  The Moustache
    * 19:3  Eye Lasering
    * 19:4  The Cinema Stuffholder
  * Chapter 20  Emergency!
    * 20:1  Drake Comes To Town
    * 20:2  St. Schneider’s Hospital
    * 20:3  Secret Visit
    * 20:4  Paging Dr. Nussbaum
    * 20:5  The Real Nussbaum
  * Chapter 21  Virtual Worlds
    * 21:1  Power Failure At Pacific Coast Academy
    * 21:2  Game Sphere Games And The Interweb
    * 21:3  The Showdown
  * Chapter 22  Teachers of Tomorrow Today
    * 22:1  Student Teaching
    * 22:2  Terrible Surprise
    * 22:3  Popup Quiz
    * 22:4  Yet Another Baby Shark Attack
    * 22:5  Quo Vadis, Belleview?
    * 22:6  Neil For The Big Stage
  * Chapter 23  Zebra Stripes
    * 23:1  Megan’s Striped Horse
    * 23:2  The Ranch Of Faye Dunnaway
    * 23:3  Otis Comes To Malibu
    * 23:4  Stable Relationship
  * Chapter 24  Welcome To PCA!
    * 24:1  School Scandals
    * 24:2  The School Of Choice
    * 24:3  Visitors’ Day
    * 24:4  The Grisly Past Of Locker 239
  * Chapter 25  Killer Robots
    * 25:1  The War Robot League
    * 25:2  The Blonowitzer
    * 25:3  The Opponents
    * 25:4  The Finals
  * Chapter 26  Rollercoaster Blues
    * 26:1  Mystic Mountain
    * 26:2  Beginning Of The Concert
    * 26:3  The Ride



#  Chapter 1  Good-Bye, Seattle!

Hello!

My name is Papperman … **Nevel Amadeus Papperman**!

So I should admit that this middle name is not a given one, but an addition granted by the philharmonic consortium of Seattle when I was just six years old, due to my skills as a composer and solo pianist. My autistic traits had provided me with overly delicate accustic and olfactory senses. The former were apparently somewhat useful for the mastery of music.

So, now you know that Seattle, the metropole in the heart of the state of Washington, was my home for quite some time. I had no memories of my dad, only my single-educating mother **Penelope Papperman** ,1:1 who was clearly overburdened with her tasks. 

I spent my first two years of elementary school in uptown Seattle, and my special qualities induced more and more troubles also there, especially because I knew a lot things better than my inept teachers, which sometimes lead to undermining their authority among students. My use of fairly uncommon words in my classes did not make it any better.

My mother and the board of my school were convinced of the fact that it was impossible for me to stay at their school. While there were many other possibilities to be discussed, the final discussion, for reasons I did not care about, was that of giving me away to the family of my mom’s sister, **Virginia Crenshaw**.1:2 This aunt was married to **Richard Crenshaw** ,1:3 an executive officer of the largest fishing chain ruling the shores of the mighty Pacific.1:4. He was standing firmly rooted in life, so my mother decided that this was the way to go.

I was not really looking forward to a life in unfamiliar San Diego. My uncle-in-law was a penentrantly conservative creep, and my aunt was probably mentally instable — or so I imagined. This was not promising a fine time, by any stretch of the word.

On the other hand: What kept me in Seattle, anyways? I did not have even remotely anything that other people would have called _friends_ , as I saw those just a useless waste of time and space. The city was full of corrupt bourgeois. Well, I would not hesitate applying that same epithet unto my uncle-in-law. Well, you should expect that I would miss the philharmonic club to some extent, given that they had acknowledged my — in their words — true talent. But they were not really interested in the deeper essence of music. For them, an opera house was just a place where the anoyingly chitchatting wives of the bosses of Seattle’s big business boasted with the improved and upgraded content of their wardrobe.

So, what would I remember from the city of Seattle, barring maybe my mother?

Seattle is called the **Emerald City**. The regional consortium for tourism was responsible for this nick name, based on the fairly huge amount of parks and forests in the very city and its environments. I was not fond of nature in general, as it was full of creepy bugs and other vermin. This consortium was also responsible for the regular pageants. I had watched a few of them, sometimes in order to serve as a background pianist for girls that performed tricks requiring musical support. Miss Seattle was just one or two years older than me, and her name was **Leanne Carter**.1:5 That was one impressive young lady, a truly talented saxophone player on top of all. She was apparently an ecopacifist, and I supposed that this was the main reason why she got always voted Miss Seattle: The consortium wanted an envrionment-friendly Miss Pageant. I would have been keen on performing in a concert with Leanne. Another former pageant girl from Seattle able to take my breath away was one **Quinn Pensky** ,1:6 a nerdy uptown girl that had formerly participated in pagents, but she had now found her true destination: Becoming a world renowned scientist, possibly harvesting lots of Nobel Prizes. She had got weird pets, such as an alpaca named **Otis** ,1:7 and I would not have minded sharing a few thigs with her. You will hear a lot more about that middle school girl later down the road.

But after all, San Diegi would be just another city in this stupid world, no better and no worse than Seattle. Or at least that was what I imagined when entering the plane in order to say good-bye to Washington’s cultural metropole in order to start anew in the Californian city next to the Mexican border.

The aircraft took off into the grey welkin, bound for the golden state.

#  Chapter 2  Melinda Crenshaw

##  2:1  Welcome To San Diego

Home, sweet home …

So, this was my new home for the following few years. I had already been here once as a toddler, and I still remembered a few geometrical details of the apartment, but a lot of things must have changed ever since, for the better or worse I did not care. 

My aunt told her daughter Mindy to show me around the house. **Melinda Crenshaw**2:1 was a teenage girl of fourteen years, and fairly cool for such a being. I had met this cousin of mine already earlier in my life, but now she was about to enter high school, which was some new start for her, too. At middle school, she had been on the top of all honour rolls, and she expected to make it there also during high school. She was an especially keen science freak girl, somewhat comparable to Quinn Pensky, but she did not look like one.

Uncle-in-law Richard joined in, and he talked about the new outfit I would have to wear during the following years, either at home or elsewhere. This was not so much of a problem for me, as I was a fan of haberdashery.2:2 I donned my new noble cloth and buttoned it up to the top.

And here was the room containing a piano. It was not really venerably old, but it was not the worst of all, either. I guessed that it was from the time between the world wars, also known as the lost years. Later down the road, I would find out more about this instrument with black and white keys, and resounding strings.

When Mindy was smaller, she used to play the piano a lot. She had been dressed with a cute gown, and she had used to wear a pink tie in her hair. She deemed that strupid and humiliating. However, she knew quite a few scientists that had been amateur musicians as well, at least to some degree. This made it a lot more bearable for my cousin. She thought about the pictures of **Albert Einstein** , one of the most famous scientists of the last century, who was known for playing a violin. Another big idols of her was **Edward Teller** , inventor of the famous hydrogen, had played the piano very well, probably due to his mother’s career as a pianist. So, Mindy was not exactly unwilling to fit nicely into the long list of music-playing scientists and engineers. But she admitted that she did not have my talent. I did not really care about that, though. 

Richard was proud of my abilities, and he wanted more and more people to listen to my performance. Of course there was a simple reason for this: He wanted me to entertain all the snobbish wives of his business partners, in order to upgrade their mood and to make his negotiations a lot easier. This was thus basically the same motivation I had already encountered in the case of the members of the consortium of the philharmonic theatre in my erst hometown. My uncle-in-law praised especially that I was not like most of the other young kids today that were only crazy for those three-accord abomination generally known as rock music. He was apparently particularly disgusted by rock musicians, as we will see later down the road when I have to talk about one particular representant of that absurd species. I was not really fond of that sort of music, especially I could not stand the fact that so many young people of the day were addicted to that absurd noise. **Arthur Schopenhauer** , one of the greatest German philosophers of nineteenth century, says correctly that the ability of bearing noise without turning sick inside is inveresely proportional to his intelligence. And thus there was little reason for me to object to his judgment.

Now I was asked to play something on the piano. I was not sure whether it was well-tuned, and this made me a bit nervous, for playing on poorly uned instruments was a plain catastrophe. I chose the popular tune of _Habanera_ from the great opera _Carmen_ by **Georges Bizet** , one of the greatest French composers of the nineteenth century. My aunt even tried to sing along, but her voice and her understanding of the French language were just horrible. But, even more, the piano was — just as I had already supposed and feared — badly syntonized, and this made me interrupt my performance pretty fast.

Richard understood my complaints, and he promised to order the service of a professional tuner as soon as only possible.

##  2:2  Mindy’s Room

Mindy took me further from room to room, talking a lot about the changes that had been performed here and there since my last visit, Then we reached her room. She was working on some scientific projects with which she wanted to win the next science fairs, and she was ambitious enough to stop not before she had either won the national award, or , alternatively, blown up half of the country with a mistuned nuclear reactor. She was abit annoyed by the fact that she had to help me, her baby cousin, to get started all over in this city, but she acknowledged that I was easier to get along with than most of the guys at Belleview of her age. Like her father, she considered then as poorly shaved monkeys.

But now she was not performing any experiments. Instad, she was throwing darts at some picture she had attached to one of her walls. The sketch depicted the most hated person of San Diego — at least according to my elder cousin. She did not talk about it, but it would be clear to me that the poor boy was aspiring teenage rock star **Drake Parker** , a class mate of Mindy. We will see later down the road why he was such an annoyance in the eyes of my cousin. I did not dare to ask her about it, for otherwise, my picture would have been attached to the same wall a little later — or so I guessed.

But now she was up to caring for her dog, poodle. It was not really a strange pet, but she was up to doing something weird to it for a science fair: She wanted to clone the puppy.2:3

##  2:3  A Lullaby Story

It was already a bit late for a little boy like me, and I was tired from my trip, and thus Richard decided to sent me to bed earlier.

My room was not too large, but this was nothing to disturb me. The walls were white to grey, although my aunt would have preferred some allpaper depicting flowers. Fortunately, Richard had got his will, because I still hated flowers to the death. The window was a bit small, but there was enough light in the study room of the residence of the Crenshaws to make up for it.

Mindy was annoyed by the fact that she had to tell me a lullaby story. “Why can’t you play something unto yourself, using your own recorder?” 

True, I was also able to play that instrument, but I did not want a lullaby in the first place. My aunt had commanded Mindy to take me to bed, because I was still such a little boy.

Mindy moaned, and then she started talking:

>   
>  Once upon a time, I do not know how many centuries ago, there was a mean dragon named Drake Parker … no, just Drake, because surnames had not yet been invented. He lived in the caves and the darkest forests of the land of … far away, anyways, and long since forgotten
> 
> His saliva were poisonous, more so than strychnine or potassium cyanide, and his teeth were longer and more pointy than the heaviest sabres used by the strongest medieval armies. He was also able to breath flames, which had already destroyed many a forest and even more villages throughout the realms he used to roam.
> 
> What was worse: Drake was known for abducting children, especialy virgin maidens, and to devour them alive. Often enough, terrified wanderers reported that they had stumbled upon a heap of dragon dung and spit out bones of missing kids.
> 
> And nothing was comparable to the horrible noise the drake was able to produce: His rattling bones sounded like the battery of a rock band, his sinews sounded like the strings of a poorly tune giant rock guitar, and his lungs and his throat were able to produce the sound of a rusty giant rock trombone.
> 
> The situation was unbearable, so the king had to send out some valliant knight in order to stop the Drake. Most of the princes were much too cowardly. and their mighty arms and tough armour were not enough to instill any confidence.
> 
> Only one minor princeling was ready to accept the challenge at any cost. This was Nevel Pa … er … Pavel. Prince Pavel walked out into the darkest forrest, the deepest valleys, and the most twisted caves in order to find the freaded dragon. And he was not even weari ng heacy armour and mighty swords. He was wearing some nice linen suit, and his only equipment was a recorder made of cherry wood. Only fool — or so deemed many ignorant peasants — would dare to face a dragon with that little outfit and tools at his hands.
> 
> But Pavel was not scared and did not listen to the warnings of the vulgar mob. He finally reached his destination: The stronghold of the vicious dragon. The beast started to roar and to breathe fire. Everything seemed lost for the little hero. But then he started playing a little tune. He was able to play very nice, but this time, his goal was not to entertain. Pavel knew about the l;aws of aerodynamics, especilay **Bernouilli’s law** , which relates the pressure and velocity of an air stream. This allowed him to set up deadly vibrations withing the sinews and bones of the dragon. Sooner or later, Drake was no longer able to withstand the enormous strains, and he burst into a gazillion of smithereens that were scattered all over the country.

That was flattering enough, and I finally fell asleep. This way, I had casually heard the name of the beast for the very first time: Drake Parker. Little did I know that this would be troublemaker number one for the next months to come, although Mindy’s voice had suggested something like this. 

She was glad because her daily work was done, and she returned silently to her own room in order continue her experiments.

#  Chapter 3  Belleview Elementary School

##  3:1  Administration Office

A life in a new time also meant a new school. And in this case, my future educational institution was **Belleview** , right in the outskirts of San Diego.

Aunt Virginia had dragged me into the administration office in orer to get me officially registered. This was still summer break, and so only very few people were around. Virginia held a letter from my mother in her hands which allowed her to act on her behalf, which was necessary for getting me enrolled.

**Principal Nuss** ,3:1 the current headmaster of Belleview, plastered a stern grimace when he read a remark from the board of my former school. He was apparently not happy about new pupils of my sort, pupils that had been sent away from their old school as troublemakers of any sort.

Mindy stumbled into the admin office. My aunt had told her to show me through the halls and corridors of the school, in order to get me started appropriately. This calmed down the principal, because he thought of my cousin as a very responsible person. Of copurse he knew that Belleview was proud of her many regional awards, some of them even displayed in the headmaster’s office. Of course, Mindy was by no means willing to stop there, and her goal was that of busting national records.

We got a list of the books I would need for my classes, the number of my locker, and the description to the location of my homeroom classes. The rest I would see upon the start of the new academic year, which was just around the corner.

Aunt Virginia saw her task accomplished, and she sent me thereupon away with Mindy as my assigned guide.

##  3:2  Hallways And Lockers

Of course there were also lockers at my previous elementary school, and they were arranged in long hallways. Mindy made me look at the rules that were valid for all corridors in all buildings belonging to Belleview. During the academic year, there would be hallway guards enforcing the same guidelines. 

The colours and the arrangements of the locker boxes, however, were a bit different. According to Mindy, they varied from building to building, and I did not have a choice, anyways, so who cared?

My number was _239_.3:2 At first glance, there seemed to be nothing special. It was a prime, but not a particularly huge one, and this was of course also known by my super smart cousin. But then she remembered something strange:

>   
>  This locker has not been assigned unto any pupil for decades.
> 
> Somehow, the _239_ seems to pass as a cursed number for hallway lockers.
> 
> It’s not that I believe in that as a bad omen, but …

I did not know what to think about it, but I decided to keep one eye on it. Was it principal Nuss’s intention? Or was it just the first available number, which would not have been reassigned under normal circumstances?

I took the locker key from the envelope. Aunt Virginia had to sign in for it in the office of the pricipal, and I had to read the official rules for using the locker. I panted while opening the locked box. Little wonder, the locker case was empty. I knew that many kids used to adorn their locker with pictures and similar crap, but that was not my kind of business. For the time being, I decided to leave my locker box empty. There would be enough to hide in it during the academic year, so why bother now.

##  3:3  Honour Rolls

A few steps further, we came to the section with the honour rolls. Some of them had even got pictures attached to them.

Mindy was already in some of the high school ranks of homour, although she was just about to enter as a freshman. That’s the case because she had been in some programme for excessively talented middle school kids, and even here she had beaten the living hell out of the high school guys. My cousin took a close and daring look at all the other rolls, as if she tried to hypnotise them: “Next year, I will be on the top!” She swang her fists soundly.

Of course, the middle school honour roles were chock full with Mindy’s name and her picture. Number two was usually a certain Joshua Nichols.

I wondered, “do you know that Joshua guy?”

Mindy blushed a shade of blazing, crimson ember upon hearing me mention that name, and she started stammering, “Joshua what?” She feigned utter innocence.

I reminded her: “That eternal runner up … after you, that is!”

Mindy grinned. “Oh, I am so going to beat him left and right in all high school honour rolls!” This sounded totally pathetical.

I concluded fast and in a straightforward mannerthat Mindy had got a crush on said Josh Nichols, and she was up to beating him to all honour positions as a means of impressing him and thus getting his attention. There was no better solution explaining her weird demeanour. But this did not say anything about Josh Nichols, except that he seemed to have similar interests and strengths as my big favourite cousin. It was also evident that she was not going to talk about it, not with me at least, and I doubted that she was doing so with anyone else. Thus I needed to find out more about it in a different way, and I had to do so secretly, for Mindy would hardly react nicely when she noticed what I was trying to do.

##  3:4  The Cafeteria

As usual, we kids would have to stay at our school during the lunch break. And as classes used to make us guys and girls pretty much hungry.

Belleview had therefor got a cafeteria. Of coruse not everyone was allowed to eat there, only the pupils, teachers, staff members, and registered visitors. Thus it would be necessary for us to identify ourselves by the way of exhibiting our student’s identity card. I did not have mine yet, but I had got a preliminary pass in the form of a letter signed by Principal Nuss.

I wondered whether my uncle-in-law provided the cafeteria with fish. 

Most of the drinks here were apparently sold by a company named **Blix** , the hugest softdrink vendor at the Pacific coast. I also knew the from Seattle, where they ran a bar for children named **Groovy Smoothie**.

Bread and pastry were apparently delivered by **Schneider’s Bakery** , the biggest producer and retailer of dough products along te Pacific coast, from Vancouver all the way down to San Diego. They were particularly infamous for fatcakes, the most disgusting pastry south of the north pole. In Seattle, they were epecially running **Cheesecake Factory** ,3:3 another popular bar for children.

Blix and Schneider’s Bakery had collaborated in order to produce **fatshakes** ,3:4 a very greasy softddrink. Besides lots of fat, it contained even more corn sugar from Kansas.

##  3:5  The Library

Of course there were many books in the school building, and most of them were located in the library. It was only rarely open during the summer break, though. Once more, my student identity card was needed in order to borrow books from there.

One book appeared particularly interesting: The yearbook of the last academic year. This was the place where I hoped to find out more about said Joshua Nichols who must have contorted my cousin’s mind.

I was totally up to borrowing the yearbook as soon as possible. There was hardly a reason for them to deny a new student to have a look at the recent back issues in order to get started better into the life at this new school.

##  3:6  Sign Ups

The lists for signing up for the electives and the clubs were apparently already in preparation. It was not yet possible to register for anything, though. 

But I already wondered where to apply for once the registration procedures were officially opened. “Is there a club for solo pianos?”

Mindy had certainly been in many clubs, as seen by the huge amount of trophies. She scratched her head. “Of course we have got occasional performances of instrumental musics and of a choir.” She panted heavily. “But I don’t know how it is organised.”

I shrugged, and then I grabbed some empty sheet and wrote some suggestion, including my name, my phone number, and my instruments. Maybe other students would be willing to enroll for a philharmoic group. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to attach the sheet to the same board as the official announces. There was another board for students’ requests and suggestions across the hallways.

There were a few other clubs that attracted my interest, though, such as a group for textile creation, and the speller bee team. And then there was the academic bowl. I wondered why Mindy had not signed up there, although she would have certainly rocked.

But now it was finally time to leave the building again. My next return would be the beginning of the academic year, and I was already up to many a thing.

#  Chapter 4  Homeroom Classes

##  4:1  First Session

So this was my first day of my first acadeic year at Belleview. Everything started with the homeroom classes.

Our teach was one **Mrs. Hunter** ,4:1 an elderly matron of Afro-American descent. She was one plain horrortrip of a teacher, and about all of my fellow pupils seemed to acknowledge that fact.

So, where did I come to sit? Being new, I preferred the back row. But I wanted to work my way to the front during the upcoming months. I chose a yet empty spot next to some pupil that would turn out as one **Neil Farrel**.4:2 I had obviously been in a terrible rush, because this choice would turn out as a grave mistake. Neil was one passionate rock drummer of the worst sort, and aforementioned Schopenhauer must have obviously thought of him when talking about the inverse proportionality of the capacity of bearing terrible noise and the intellectual prowess of a human.

The row in front of me was occupied by one **Alden Bancroft** ,4:3 and a certain **Robert Carmichael** alias **Scooter**.4:4 Both of them were fairly annoying.

The other row in the back was occupied by some **Jordan Silva** ,4:5 and Pete Tycho.4:6

And then there were a few girls. One of them was **Wendy Gellar** ,4:7 This was probably the one hyperactive lass that caused a lot of trouble. She changed her name pretty often, because she was easily bored by it, and she was known for having got lots of weird obsessions of the most obnoxious sort.

The girl next to Wendy was **Casandra Baldwin** ,4:8 apparently a nice girl next door, but was she really to be trusted? 

**Brittany Conway**4:9 looked like a typical scout girl. Usually, people thin that scout kids were reliable and loyal to their service. But I was not sure. The ones I knew from Seattle were sure one obnoxious plague.

But the most outstanding girl of all was one **Megan Parker** , the little sister of Drake: the ugly and perversely evil dragon from Mindy’s lullaby, and the target of her dart practice. Of course it was not possible for me to know this in advance. But when Mrs. Hunter read aloud the list of the students in her class in order to check our presence, a lightening flash went down my spine. I had only heard that family name during the lullaby, and only because Mindy had slipped. But I had remembered that, and now it was some sort of a shock for me to hear it again. Of course it could have been a stupid accident, but something told me that it was by no means the case. 

Obviously, Melinda wanted me to avoid anything that had to do with Drake Parker, which included logically his little sister. But I felt some invisible force drawing me closer and closer to that uttermost interesting girl, although I did not know why. So, unless the identical surname was a mere random, I was bound for trouble. Likewise, I would have trouble in classes when having to think too much about Megan. 

Mrs. Hunter was done with the list of students, and now it was time for us to take care of our belongings for the upcoming classes.

##  4:2  The Yearbook

In the great break, I slipped swiftly into the library in order to check the last yearbook. Those tomes were beautifully printed with calligraphic initials and high definition pictures.

There was the page of Mindy’s middle school graduation class. My favourite elder cousin is shown with some ornated outfit, including the cylingdrical hat with a square-shaped top. As an aspiring haberdasher, I was now eager on finding out about the used yarns and needles, but this was now less important. Mindy Crenshaw was seen on the big picture giving a speech, and more precisely: The Valedictorian speech for her year.

Some dweeb with a big dorky head was sitting in the front row, looking thoroughly disappointed. It seemed to be one master example of an enviar. Looking through the list of middle school graduates, along with their portraits, reveiled that this guy was no other than aforementioned Jishua Nichols, the eternal runner up on the honour tables. Apparently, someone like him had got a very much imaginable reason for being envious of my cousin.

The same page of the book also revealed unto me for the first time the face of the person that must have been public enemy number one in the home of the Crenshaw clan: Drake Parker. The creep had graduated along with Josh and Minsy, but there was an asterisk next to his name. Reading the explanations told me that this vicious dragon and target for dart practice had graduated on probation only, either for bad marks or for inappropriate demeanour. Drake and Josh were standing close to each other, and there was some weird thing going on between the two of them. Of course it was not possible for me to see what, but I senses that it had to do with Mindy’s insane hatred against Drake. So, what exactly was there between Drake and Josh? I know, Mindy would have been very upset if she knew that I was trying figure this, and thus it was better for her to never know about my attempts of a research. This was of course a hell of dangerous.

##  4:3  The Solo Oboe

My thoughts were still trapped by the aforementioned doubts. I had just arranged things in my locker, noticing that other kids seemed to make remarks about my locker — because of the number. Thus the rumours about a certain weirdness were known by the elementary school kids as well. I turned increasingly curious by this way.

Then I went to the bulletin board with the announces attached by students in order to look at the note I had added a few days ago. There was but one reply, and I was consternated when seeing it: Megan Parker, oboe …

This was quite some shock for me, because it made it now even a lot harder for me to avoid the girl with the mysterious aura. On the other hand, this was the perfect excuse in the case of getting caught by Mindy while thinking too much about Megan.

#  Chapter 5  Première Theater

##  5:1  The Place To Hang Out

During the following days, it became more and more obvious that **Première Theater** , a cinema in the uptown of San Diego, was the preferred place for mostkids from elementary through high school to hang out. This established motion picture theatre belonged to a chain of southern Californian institutions of the same kind that were owned essentially by one **Helen Dubois** , a former Hollywood child starlet that was only found in some cheesy soap opera named _Happy Times_.5:1

After all, Première Theater was more than just a cinema, it also hosted some otehr cultural events. But most importantly, it seemed to accomodate a very important cafeteria.

Unfortunately, the level of Hollywood production had declined significantly during the last decades. But there were still a few movies woth watching. And Richard Crenshaw had raised my pocket change after my recent efforts to get started at Belleview, so I could even afford watching a movie or two. Mindy would come with me, but she would of course also have to decide omn the movie to watch. This was usually not much of a problem, as she did not like all those heartache comedies , either, as opposed to the foolish mass of the teenage girls of her generation.

For example, I saw Sandy Baldwin come along, accompanied by her elder sister **Tracy Baldwin**.5:2 Those girls were up to watching some boring fluff comedy, and Sandy wanted me and Mindy to join in, but this was definitely not our cup of tea, and so we had to tell them off.

##  5:2  The Staff

Mindy showed me into the cinema for the very first time. We had chosen a movie about problems in southern American countries.

Helen Dubois was busy rebuking her employees for many a detail. I wondered why she had abandoned her active career as a Hollywood actress, singer, and dancer. But from the way she tereated some of her employees I inferred that she had not been less timid when arguing with the producers, playwrights, directors, and fellow actors. But this was just a guess, at least for the time being.

Those included **Stephen Shay Jr.** ,5:3 generally referred to as _Crazy Steve_. His father, **Stephen Shay** ,5:4 was an army officer of some sorts and often on the road. As suggested by the nick, he was definitely one insane sociopath. He shouted emphatically at the customers and his fellow employees for little to no reason. Most people would have thought him a danger for customers and fellow staff, but Helen did not have the guts to dispose with him permanently. Only later would I come to know that Stephen’s grandfather **Allan Shay** ,5:5 a lawyer residing in Yakima in the rural part of the state of Washington, jad once helped her big times out of her contract with renowned and influential Hollywood producer **Malcolm Reese**5:6 after some ruthless arguments. For that reason, she did not really want to get rid of Stephen, his dangerous demeanour notwithstanding.

The lamest employee was a certain **Gavin Mitchell**.5:7 He seemed to be the jack of all trades for Helen, as well as the punching bag for Crazy Steve’s violent mood swings. Gavin was wearing a douche black mullet — for whatever reason. It was not the general trend here in San Diego — or so was I told by my elder cousin.

**Leah Lautzenheiser**5:8 was a student at San Diego’s school for journalism, and she worked part time at Première in order to pay for her student loans. She was also often on field trips in order to interview people, and thus she was only found rarely in the cinema.

##  5:3  Regular Visitors

Many guests were hanging out in this place much too often for their own good.

The two most important ones were Mindy’s class mates **Eric Blonowitz** and **Craig Ramirez** , two extreme nerds. Well, that was at least the case for Eric. Craig was maybe not as much of a nerd, but he did not have any other friend besides Eric, and thus he needed to stick with him, even if the exaggerated his pursuit of intellectual superiority.

And then there were — not much of a surprise — Drake Parker and Josh Nichols. Yes, they did hang out a lot with one another. I dod not yet know the reason, but I iverheared a concersation between Craig and Eric that gave me the explanation:

Joshua’s father **Walter Nichols** and Drake’s mother **Audrey Parker** were engaged, or maybe even married by now. This made Drake and Josh step-brothers. Unfortunately, they were decadent and ignorant enough to obmot the _step_ part.

Megan would later describe the relationship between Drake and Josh as mutually abusive. They did not have anything in common at all, inspite of being forced to live in the same room. But it was really hard to separate them even outside their home. Of course dweebs and dorks like Josh should not hang out with jerks, and vice versa. This perversity caused a lot of problems to many people.

So, according to my conclusions, my favourite cousin Mindy had got a silent crush on Joshua Nichols, but the dweeb was not interested. He preferred to hang out with his step brother. Thus Drake was standing between Josh and Mindy, which explained her campaign of wrath and hatred against the wannabe rock star. Of course I was not someone to say that Drake did not deserve each and every bit of deprecation and polemics, but I feared that Mindy was about to go out of her way, and thus likely to lose her beloved Josh even more.

Josh was already looking forward to college days, and he needed to sae a few bucks for those. For that avail, he needed to get a job. He would not have minded working here at Première, especially because of the expected discount for employees. But he seemed to be readily ignored by helen. Drake, on the other hand, did not think about regular jobs and stuff, because he expected to be able to live off his concerts and records by the end of high school time.

###  5:3:1  Looming Talent Show

Helen Dubois seemed to host the local talent shows in her motion picture theatre as well. There was that cabaret used for events like that. She was a fan of Drake and his band, at least to some degree, and she clearly expected him to win. There was already a picture of him and his band members **Rina Raines** ,5:9 Paul Gonzalez,5:10 and Scott Jeffries5:11.

I wondered whether my piano skills would be useful in order to provide backup music for dancers and so that tried their luck by the way of competing with apparently unbeatable Drake. I doubted that Helen would give us a chance, but it was worth a try. But then I had got an even more daring idea: I could participate on my own, and maybe with Megan Parker. Of course I had to ask her somehow to cooperate, which would not be easy due to my fledgling feelings for the mysterious lass. But without trying, I would definitely never get anywhere near knowing.

#  Chapter 6  Oboe Practice

##  6:1  Asking Megan

Back in the locker halls, back to classes … and I needed to find a way to ask Megan. She was standing by her locker, talking to Wendy. I was still a bit dazed by the thought of having to cross the line and talk to a Parker, but it had to be. I closed my eyes in order to bring it on, and then I walked straight up to Megan, well, a bit too straight and too close, which means that we collided. While Megan was not effected too much by the impact, I stumbled and slumped to the floor.

The little sister of San Diego’s most evil villain glared at me. “You toad dare to … you rue it, until dystopia!”

I sighed deeply, thinking to myelf: “Wow, what a voice, that’s so cool!” I went pale. “Sorry! I have to talk to you … you play the oboe, don’t you?”

Megan grinned. “Sure I do, you dweeb! Hey, you are the one looking for an orchestra? Recorder and piano?”

I nodded solemnly. “I thought we could do something at the talent show … over at Helen’s theatre. But only if you don’t mind challenging your brother.”

Megan sighed. “That boob? Hey, I am always up for something luike that.” **Boob** was an expression deployed by Megan Parkert in order to denote absolutely worthless boys, such as Drake Parker and Josh Nichols. “And don’t even dare to challenge him without my permission, for otherwise …”

I moaned, “OK, you are in charge!” I was finally back on my feet. “My good trousers …”

Wendy giggled like an idiot.

Megan shook her head. “OK, at four post meridiem in the music room, with the piano …”

I wondered, “have you got the keys?”

Megan snickered. “I just need to cheat them off janitor Zeke.” **Zeke Braxton**6:1 had been dumbstruck in a collisoon of the football field.

##  6:2  Choice Of A Tune

Megan had actually been able to beguile the idiot of a janitor, and now we had snuck in to the music room.

There was an old piano, indeed, but I was not sure whether is needed to be tuned first. Megan’s oboe was a lot simpler to syntonise for each concert, but a piano needed some expert. The best Californian freak for this job was **Dingleberry Combover** ,6:2 a teacher for music and drama at **James K. Polk Middle School** in Santa Clarita in Los Angeles County.

A few key strokes confirmed my suspicion: The whole instrument was poorly maintained. I hoped that the one in the cabaret of Helen’s theatre was a lot better, but I needed to hire the expert for even this task.

Before the arrival of Mr. Combover, we needed to watch out for a suitable tune to be performed upon the talent show.

Megan wondered what was my favourite tune.

I replied, “ _The Slaves’ Choir_ from Verdi’s opera _Nabucco_.” **Giuseppe Verdi** was one of the most prominent Italian composer of great operas of the late romantic period. 

Megan smiled. “Copol choice! Unfortunately, that choir is a bit sad, and that’s bad for talent shows.”

I sighed deeply. “I think so. It seems that one of the favourite arias is _La Habanera_ from Bizet’s _Carmen_. The matrons of the upper crust of Seattle use to fall for that like flies for boob crap.”

Megan almost choked. “I love your comparison!” She suspired deeply. “You are probaly right. _La Habanera_ might help us a lot. But just as instrumental backup, and thus without vocals, it is not half as efficient as with a real voice. ”

I nodded. “Too bad noone else with a good voice replied to my call. Can’t Wendy Gellar …”

Megan chuckled. “Wendy? I am sure she would scare away anyone, she is overly emotional when it comes down to music. She is a good composer of tunes, though. But I think she does so in order to be able to please her favourite rock idols, some day in the far future.”

I moaned, “I know some young people in the Los Angeles Philharmony able to sing _La Habanera_ like a charm. But here in San Diego …”

Megan scratched her head. “I may ask my oboe teacher whether he knows someone in San Diego county …”

I sighed. “I don’t have a piano teacher right now, though. The one I had in Seattle did not fit into my luggage.”

Megan chuckled. “That would have been cool!”

##  6:3  Kelly Peckinpaw

Indeed, Megan’s idea had been right on spot. 

**Kelly Peckinpaw** was a fourth grader from **Pacific Bluff Elementary School** , and she was rather a violinist than a singer. But was good in almost anything, and she hasd practised the above tune while learning to play it by means of her violin.

Combover was also done retuning the piano, both that in our school and that at Première Theatre. 

Megan told me a lot of stories about her dumb boobs, and how she was over and over forced to pull pranks on them in a relentless effort to talk some sense into them. Recently, they had messed up babysitting the toddler of **Mr. Galloway** ,6:3 the boss of Walter Nichols. Then she told me how she had snuck her python Robert6:4 into Josh’s backpack.

I was reminded of Quinn Pensky’s pet king snake, Marvin.6:5 “If you don’t know where you host your snake, I am sure Quinn may jump in to your rescue.”

Megan promised to think about that. 

Kelly was annoyed by our talk about pranks, because she thought that Megan was going out of her way with them. But there was no time left for disputes.

##  6:4  Welcome To Helen’s Cabaret

Finally, the great evening of the talent show had come. Helen exused herself, because this year, she was a bit late. But she would — or so she claimed — fix it for the next year.

The audience was chock full, but probably in ordert o listen to Drake and his band. Mindy, Richard, and Virgiania were here in order to listen to my performance, though.

Helen was pretty much bored by everyone trying his luck but the jerk. And now she announced our number.

Kelly had also brought her violin. She wanted to play it in the purely instrumental passages, while sticking to singing in the textual passages of the aria.

Combover had done his job well, and the piano sounded like a lyra of the Mount Olympus, the residence of the noble gods of ancient Greece.

Finally, my fingers danced all over the keys of the piano, and music filled the air.

Kelly’s voice boomed across the cabaret.

>   
>  L’amour est un oiseau rebelle  
>  Qui nul ne peut apprivoiser  
>  Et c’est bien on vain qu’on l’appelle  
>  S’il lui convient de refuser.

The audience was slightly electrified. The lines said that love was a sassy bird, almost impossible to tame, and getting it to listen to your orders was futile.

Mindy seemed to be touched a lot by the music, and even I noticed her going through several shades, just by watching her from the corner of my eyes. She must have thought about her feelings for Josh, The bigheaded dweeb was sitting just two rows in front of her, and she was hardly willing to let her parents know about them, let alone Josh.

The aria went on, accompanied by Megan’s even sweeter performance.

>   
>  Il n’a fait rien menace ou prière,  
>  L’un parle bien, l’autre se taît.  
>  Et c’est l’autre que je préfère:  
>  Il n’a dit rien, mais il me plait.

Too bad I had to concentrate on the tiune that I had to play, for otherwise I would have been able to watch Mindy closer, trying to see what was going on inside her. Mindy sure understood the French lines, saying that neither threat nor prayer were effective. One guy talks well, while the other remains silent. The singer prefers the second lad who pleases her, although he never says anything. But the soun d of Megan’s oboe was really doing the trick even for people that did not understand the text. And Kelly kept on singing:

>   
>  L’amour! L’amour! L’amour! L’amour!
> 
> L’amour c’est enfant de Bohême,  
>  Il n’a jamais connu de loi,  
>  Si tu m’aimes pas, je t’aime,  
>  Si je t’aime, prends garde a toi!

Mindy almost exploded upon these lines, saying tha love was like a gypsy child, not aware of any law. “If you don’t love me, I love you, and if I love you: Beware!” She jumped up from her seat, walked up to Josh, and grabbed him for a powerful kiss. The bigheaded dork was consternated. He twitched and flailed with his arms like a monkey.

The audience moaned and applauded like a storm wind. 

My uncle-in-law was particularly flabbergasted. “Mindy? What is that?” His voice thundered like a cannon.

Helen interrupted the whole scene. “What is going on here? Is this part of the number?”

Of course it was not planned. But I anticipated that both Mindy and Josh would be in troubles, and thus I decided in favour of a white lie. “Correct, they are acting as the dancer and the dragoon from the opera. That is a special surprise for everyone.” I wiped some cold sweat off my face, whispering unto myself: “Phew! That was so close!”

The audience calmed down. But Helen suggested to vote for our number, properly because of the final surprise. Drake was a bit disappointed because he had lost the contest. But what did he think about Josh and Mindy?

#  Chapter 7  Unfabulous Adelaide Singer

##  7:1  Spring Break

This was the beginning of the spring break at Belleview Elementary School, and most of us kids had hoped for a few days out in the sun. And this was what inept weather frog Walter Nichols had promised: a whole week of fun in the sun. But his main rival, **Bruce Windchill** ,7:1 was a whole lot more careful, and he had predicted the possibility of extended rain showers and storms along the Pacific coast. This reminded me a lot of good old Seattle, but bear with it.

Megan Parker and her friend Wendy Gellar had hoped for better weather as well, even more because Wendy’s cousin from the northeastern states was here for a visit. This one cool girl was **Adelaide Singer** ,7:2 and she was about three years older than us. 

So, she had hoped for warm and sunny spring days here in southern California. But sh had been warned by the infamous song _It Never Rains In California_ by one **Albert Hammond** , who seemed to be a better weather reporter than Walter Nichols.

##  7:2  Invitation To Addie’s Residence

Megan had spent an hour of her valuable vacations with Wendy and Addie at the residence that had been rented by the Singers for the break. As she was not willing to return in the rain, she called me on the phone, because she wanted to introduce me to Adelaide. She would have liked to invide Kelly Peckinpaw as well, but the latter was out of town. 

I grabbed my recorder and my bike, dressed myself in warm clothes, and rode through the wind and the rain. Usually, I would nevcer have gone through troubles of that kind. But somehow, the prospects of spending more time with Megan upgraded my endurance to some hitherto unbeknownst level. 

There was so much I had to talk about to Megan, but this would better not happen in the presence of Adelaide and Wendy.

##  7:3  The Singers’ Residence

###  7:3:1  Addie’s Guitar

I was still soaked with rain. Inspite of my clothes, the wind had blown the heavy rain drops into my face.

Megan sighed deeply. “Drake and Josh have got my umbrella. Those boobs are worse than the most stinky vermin down in the mud. Otherwise I would have gone home”

I shook hands with Adelaide. 

“So your instrument is the piano?” She grinned, grabbimg her guitar.

I sighed deeply. “I may also play the recorder, maybe some ancient rain dancer song.”

But I was not the only boy around. Addie had got a brother: **Benjamin Singer** , and she regretted that badly, although it was not her fault. But I did not see much fault with the guy. He was a high school freshman by now, just as Mindy.

Adelaide played the guitar, usually songs she had written. But she was a completely inept composer, and thus she let the dirty job in the hands of Wendy. She wasn’t a brilliant singer or guitarist, anyways: It only served a purpose of supporting her job of writing lyrics. As of recent, she had started aout reading a different kind of literature than thre usual girl crap she was accusyomed to: The collected works of **Edgar Allan Poe**. She had heard that he was very inspirational for song writers, although she did not know why. But she wanted to give him a try. “But rainy afternoons are inspirational, too. It is like drops from heaven falling into my soul!” She glared out of the window and tried to strum her guitar.

###  7:3:2  Addie’s Local Friends

Adelaide Singer had not only got friends here in San Diego, but also in her hometown Rocky Road. There were two of them whom she missed even over this spring break.

Her best friend was one **Geena Fabiano** ,7:3 a girl that caused more trouble than anyone else, and was thus stuck in detentions over and over again. Her talent seemed to be fashion design, and she was really good there. She was also addicted to cosmetics. But some people called her a potential monster — for whatever reason. She fit perfectly into the shallow world of Hollywood with its pursuit of treacherous beauty and short-lived glamour. I wondered why she did not try to apply for Hollywood School For The Professional Performance Arts.

Her best male friend was some **Zachariah Carter Schartz** , a confessing communist and ecopacifist. He was firmly rooted in the tradition of **Robert Marley** , the world’s greatest reggae idol, except that he did not dare to wear rasta-style braidlets.

I wondered already whether Zachariah was connected in some way to aforementioned Leanne Carter, another ecopacifist. They were of totally different ethnicity, but the common partial surnname could be indicative of an indirect kinship. This was mere specualtion. Anyways, I told Adelaide about Leanne. “Zach will sure like to hear about a fellow ecopacifist.”

Addie shrugged. “Sounds interesting …”

###  7:3:3  Josh And Mindy

Finally Ben intruded. “So, what is going on between those freshmen? Josh and Mindy, if I remember correctly.” He had overheard the girls’ discussion of the talent show.

I sighed deeply, because I had hoped to skip this topic. But now I could not withhold it any longer.

Megan was equally curious. “You have not planned that scene behind my back, have you? You would pay for this …”

Wendy told her friend: “Hey! You won against Drake because of it.”

I understood that Megan would not approve of that, anyways, She wanted to be in charge, and I had agreed. Thus I would have told her about such a plan in advance instead of surprising even her. But I felt guilty, anyways. “Mindy has got feelings for Josh, and our music …She was just overwhelme. Power overthrow … mental blackout …”

Megan sighed. “My music is that powerful?” She beamed brightly. But then she turned more serious. “Since when do you know this?”

I moaned, “I do not know it, I have concluded it from her demeanour, buy day, by night, … and the reactions from the talent night confirmed it for me.”

Megan looked at me estranged. “By night? What>”

I sighed deeply. “I am her little cousin, and I live in the room next door, The walls are thin enough to let certain noises slip … broken dreams, nightly sighs …”

Megan grabbed me. “You are related? And when exactly would you have wanted to tell me?”

I went totally pale, tryiing to stammer my last words.

Addie told Megan to release me. “I often try to hide the fact that Ben is my brother.”

Megan calmed down. “Yeah, I thought so. I am not happy about the boobs, either.” She panted heavily. “But Josh is ever since in a desolate situation, asnd that means no good, honestly.” She panted and walked up and down the lounge. “We need to take better care of teh situation. It can’t go on like this!”

#  Chapter 8  Devin Malone

##  8:1  Win A Guitar

There was a show in _Radio San Diego_ that allowed you to win something every other week. You had to be the first to call them for a prize, and answer a random question correctly in order to secure even a bonus prize.

Little wonder, this sevent was extremely popular among the middle and high school kids at Belleview, including Drake and Josh. This time around, it was even more interesting: The first prize were back stage passes for a concert of **Zero Gravity** and its lead guitarist **Devin Malone**.8:1 This prize was of course like tailor-made for a wannabe rock star like Drake Parker. He was a total fan of Zero Gravity and other similar bands, and thus meeting the superstar would have been a huge teenage coming true. He had learned all songs from the hands of Zero Gravity by heart, and it would hardly be an exaggeration to say that he had even learned playing the guitar by practising the songs, in an attmpt of being totally like Devin Malone.

In order to increase his chances for making it to the prize, Drake invited a lot of friends to his home and tricked them into calling on his behalf. 

By the way, his former band got disbanded just before spring break. Rina was still disgusted because Drake had tried to talk her into changing the diapers of the baby or toddler of Mr. Galloway, aforementioned boss of Walter Nichols. Scotty was angry because Drake had started spending more time with Josh than with the band. And finally, Paul thought that Drake was aboout to steal all the girls from him. In other words, Drake was about to rebuild his band, anyways.

But there was no doubt that Drake would recover from this mishaps within a few months, at least until the next talent show.

With some trick that I had not yet understood, Megan caused her own mobile telephone to beat Drake’s all the time, and this way, she made the first call to _Radio San Diego_. Of course she was by absolutely no means interested in a stupid rock concert, let alone an original guitar hand-signed by that creepy rock idol. But she blackmailed Drake into leaving him the prize, On the downside, he had to do her homework.

Of course, Megan did not need any help, and Drake was no good in doing homework, either, not even at elementary school level. She just wanted to torture him with unnecessary work, because he had recently been some irresponsible jerk. Oops, did I say _recently_? No, he had always been, and would always be like that.

In order to win the guitar in addition to the backstage tickets, he needed to answer a few questuions about general knowledge. Josh had to do that for him, though. And finally, Drake was the proud owner of a genuine Devin Malone guitar.

##  8:2  Fractured Hand

Josh had messed it up and ruined the guitar, though. Since the scene in the audsience of the talent show in Première Theater, he was even more clumsy and uncontrollable, so he accidentally made the electric guitar burst into flames.

With Megan’s help. he had bought an alike-looking guitar, and now he wanted to get it signed by Devin Malone. These scenes underlined that Josh was too much of an idiot. He should simply have stopped hanging out with Drake. Mindy’s assessment of this uncomely situation had been fully correct.

But Josh messed it up even more, and he broke Devin’s hand, just before the looming concert. He had of course not got the bucks for paying the medic’s bill. This was especially the case because the doctor in charge was windy **Glazer Brooks** ,8:2 a medic that had already treated Drake against various allergies, and always required high fees.

But there was a way for Josh to pay his bills: As Drake knew all songs of Malone by heart, he was able to serve as a drop-in replacement. Miles accepted the deal …

##  8:3  Drake’s Successful Career Start

Drake had successfully impressed the masses in the concert of Zero Gravity, and thusly earned the fees for Doctor Glazer. In addition, their was a surplus which he passed to Josh, because the latter had organised this big chance for him. 

But this did not improve Josh’s mood by any stretch, for he was still not sure what to make from the kiss he had received from Mindy at Première Theater. 

>   
>  Is she just making fun of me?
> 
> Or have Megan and her henchman Nevel paid her to do so?
> 
> In any way, she’s tryuly a creature.
> 
> Drake is every bit correct when calling her like this.
> 
> But what if she has got feelings for me?

The last option scared him more than everything else.

But hat about Drake? He had hardly got any time to care about his step-brother’s uproaring feelings. He saw himself at the beginning of a public career, because the concert had been a recommendation for managers of tours and concerts, possibly even record labels.

Megan seemed to be concerned. 

>   
>  Everything is growing too fast.
> 
> Drake will become mentally bloated and arrogant beyond any measure.
> 
> And I won’t be able to bear it, whether he succeeeds or fails.
> 
> In the first case, he will treat all of us like dirt.
> 
> In the latter case, he will moan and weep all day long, and I will have to comfort him, because who else would? Certainly not our irresponsible mother, or our fair weather kinsmen Josh and Walter. And his many fangirls? No way, once your fame is ruined, they will be gone, and at best go to the yellow press and spread filthy rumours about him.

I scratched my head. “Let aus look for a decent record label for him, then he won;t slip into the wrong circles.”

Megan beamed. “Yeah, that would be cool!” She had already got some ideas how the ideal manager or record producer wiould look like, It should have been someone able to funnel some discipline into Drake. Even more, Drake would soon be on tour, which made Megan feel a whole lot happier. “Maybe Adelaide can get an internship as a lyrics writer the same way, and Wendy as a composer.”

But how would we be able to find such an optimal record label?

#  Chapter 9  Jock Alert

##  9:1  The Football Team

Like many high schools, Belleview had got its own football team, and a bunch of sqealing cheerleader girls to back them up.

The cheerios looked all cute in their jerseys and pompons, and they seemed to spread sunshine across the locker halls. But most of them were just arrogant bitches, well, all of them, at least here at Belleview. This was totally obvious in the case of **Mandy Franklin** ,9:1 alias Makeout Mandy, a busty blonde that captained the whole squad. The nick already revealed her loose morals. She had been sent to San Diego by her step-father **Theodore Franklin** , the principal of **Ridgeway** , one of the district schools of downtown Seattle with the highest degree of student criminality. 

We will see later that **Carlotta Shay** , an alike-looking cousin of Megan who believed to be the little sister of Stephen Shay’s twin brother **Spencer Shay** , was also a student at the same district school, and she was endangered by excessively creepy perverts like her falsely so-called best friend **Samantha Pucket**.

So, Mr. Franklin tried hard to get some sense into his step-daughter, but he seemed to fail completely, as Belleview was not necessarily much better than the downtown of Seattle.

And the football platyers were one bunch of rude jocks. This was especially the case for quarterback **George Witherspoon**.9:2

The team was now close to reaching the regional playoffs, and there was already a pep rally planned for the wake of this very event. Principal Nuss expected all of us to cooperate, but this was hard to digest. How were sensitive people like me supposed to cooperate with insensitive jocks and cheerios?

##  9:2  Misguided Josh

Joshua Nichols still believed that he needed to be one of the coolest guys in order to find a girlfriend. He believed beyond any that Mindy had been making just some rude fun of him when she had been dragged into kissing him by Megan’s powerful oboe.

And coolness at Belleview was apparently defined in terms of Drake Parker. Being like him and collecting girls like undergarments was apparently the one and only way to go for. 

And now aforementioned Makeout Mandy had mae fun of Josh because he tried to impress people with some sort of a — at least in his eyes — cool trick. The situation had been embarrassing for Drake as well: She told the jerk off, because hanging out with some creepy dweeb like Josh was not acceptable for the boyfriend of a renowned and popular cheerleading girl.

Josh decided to improve himself by applying for the football team. This was still possible, as some regular guys were either injured, or they had been suspended from the team because they were in danger of messing up their academic studies completely.

Mindy suffered a lot from this fact. But she was still not willing to fess up, becauyse of the exped stupidity of Richard’s reactions. The latter was certainly looking down on the house of the Parkers and Nichols.

I needed to do something in order to support my favourite elder cousin, but it was still not possible to talk to her about it, because she denied rigorously that the event at the talent show had been anything but acting as **Carmen** , the female star of the opera of the same name.

##  9:3  Equipment Manager

Joshua Nichols had tried puut for the team, and he had failed as miserably as can be. But he was offered instead the job of an equipment manager.

Usually those were elelmentary or middle school boys that took care of the equioment of teh football team. Choosing a huge grown high school guy for this job was definitely the exact contrary of a coool move, it was rather one big humiliation.

Mindy wondered already how deep he would still have to fall. She already thought about letting him win. All that I wqould know only weeks later. But it was clear that she was about turning more and more desperate. And of course she knew that I had been suspicious, at least since the final scene of the talent show. She claimed that she had got the idea from some bad movie. But she was definitely not the girl to watch that sort of junk.

##  9:4  Josh Becomes Trainer

Being a smartass and dweeb, Josh objected a lot to the coach’s methods. Finally, this was enough for the poor jock, and he flang his job, leaving it in the hands of Josh. This could only be a plain catastrophe. 

Megan needed to get him out of the danger zone as fast as possible. Her first decision was to sneak me into tghe football team: As Josh was now the coach, the job of teh equipment manager was once more up for grabs. And I was certainly one of those typical freaks serving in those positions. This way, I was able to control the situation better, and to have someone able to report back to her.

Josh was infamous for baking brownies. I hated those bone-dry cookies, but the football chocks loved them, as their teeth were avble to crack even walnuts with ease. I even wondered whether they were able to bite the shell of a coconut. And now he was up to baking some for the football jocks.

Megan wanted to make the cookies inedible, in order to make the team members reject him again. She wanted to pour garden earth into the cookie dough while Josh was sleeping.

But I remarked that this was not a good idea. “Football jocks are insensitive, and they won’t notice it unless it was too late. The whole team would have to throw up.”

Megan sighed, because she had not thought about this possibility. She did not want to destroy the football team, right before the last match that decided about the teams destiny.

Then we had got a better idea: Football players were a bit like bull fighters of the Spanish colonial era. Bizet’s opera _Carmen_ also involved a more or less famous aria by some torero: _Toréador En Garde!_ Would Georges Bizet come once more to our rescue?

##  9:5  Pep Rallye

The piano was of course too big and too heavy for being carried around teh hallways, so I had to do with the recorder. Along with Megan, I started performing the aforementioned tune. This was the day of the pep rally, and everyone was looking forward to the match. Usually, the cheerio squad was in charge with motivating the football players, but now our little tune was about to steal their attention completely. Josh had tried to flirt with those cheerio girls, but now he was rejected by them, because he was not ready to parade along with the football gang, marching to my recorder’s and Megan’s performance.

Mindy was there in the right moment in order to comfort Josh, but she still did not confess her feelings. As usual, the bigheaded boob thought that she was tryiing to fool him, forcing him to become weak and withdraw from the upcoming science fair. But Mindy did not think about that, because she was confident of her own research and presentation.

But Mindy would not give in that easily.

#  Chapter 10  Questions And Answers

##  10:1  Gadgets For Pranks

As we all know by now, Megan Parker pulled lots of pranks on the boobs alias Drake and Josh. For that avail, she needed desperately various devices in order top control the moves of those creeps. One of those was a plastic cactus with a built-in micro chip that was not — as Drake would probably have believed – made of chocolate. An asynchronous transfer mode connection delivered the dater straight in a wireless manner to her mini laptop, allowing her to monitor the evil actions of Drake and Josh all over the whole house.

Another use of those micro chips was a form wireless telecommunication that worked across several rooms, without even getting noticed. She and Wendy had often practised this form of conversation.

The most funny device was a remote controll that allowed the user to give some selected person an electric shock wven from afar. But the boob needed to have a receiver stuck in his butt. This worked perfectly well especially on Josh Nichols.

I wondered whether she was able to build those on her own. The answer was that she did not even try hard to do so. Fortunately, it was possible to order them from the interweb, and she gave me an address for checking out. I was interested in starting my own web site, a project that spread recensions of the most iportant web events. I would usually have asked Mindy for help, but she was still in a critical mood, and thus I did not want to bother her for more than some principles to get started.

Megan had got her own web site: _meganparker dot com_. This was one place for her to upload her secret videos about the most embarrassing misdeeds of Drake and Josh, along with those of pranks pulled on them. The latest entry was a video she had produce with te help of Addie Singer while Josh was asleep, in order to demonstrate that his sleep was incredibly tough and hard to interrupt. The girls had unloaded all sorts of trash in the face of the sleeping dweeb, without getting noticed.10:1

##  10:2  Wayne Gilbert

The address was from a school known as **Pacific Coast Academy**. This was a renowned elitarian prep school for boys only in the outskirts of Los Angeles, and more precisely: Down by the dreamy beach of Malibu.

The web site of the school betrayed plans saying that the school would open for girls already by the begin of the coming fall term. I had heard that aforementioned Quinn pensky had always been interested in coming to California for high school, and a most illustrious boarding school like Pacific Coast Academy, once open for girls, would certainly have been perfect for her. I will have to talk more often about that school later down the road.

The guy offering all the cool devices in question was a certain **Wayne Gilbert** , also known as Fire Wire. He was a smart nerd of partly Philippinian origins. These he shared with — as we would figure a bit later — his second cousin Kelly Peckinpaw. The latter did not approve of his sinister business, though, and she was little willing to help here. But as a future journalist, she was happy to get his advice concerning the technology useful for journalists, such as web cameras, notebooks, laptops, and journal software. Now we were connected by the way of a web chat.

But of course I needed something similar for my own web project. I had already come up with some name: **Nevelocity**. This combines my first name with the expressionvelocity: The interweb allowed for spreading informations fast across the world. Also, it contained _city_ , allowing for deribvatives like _nevelocitizens_ for regular visitors of my web site, or _nevelocity hall_ for the main page of the web city.

There were apparently many sorts of journal software to choose from, but in the end, I was advised not to choose _Splash Face_ , the most popular service for that purpose, but which was vulnerable and an onslaught on the users’ privacy. Rather, Wayne Gilbert was about to develop his own software: _wired press_ There was also a lot of hardware he was able to assembe for me, for a moderate price, as opposed to all the popular Pear products that only wreaked insane havoc.

##  10:3  Academic Bowl

At the beginning of the academic year, I had signed up for the academic bowl squad of Belleview. There were three teams, to be precise: one for elementary school kids, one for middle school pupils, and — lat but not least — the elite team of high school students.

I had been automatically enrolled into the elementary school team, but I had worked my way up into the middle school team pretty easily, annoying a few kids there. But, after all, the academic bowl team was pretty much low in regard, so barely anyone cared about it.

The high school team was conducted by senior **Michelle Gray**10:2. Other members of the squad were aforementioned nerds Eric Blonowitz and Craig Ramirez. 

Drake had tried to impress her, but he needed Josh’s help for doing so. And Megan had provideed her brother with the necessary device for telecommunication. So Josh was hiding in a toilet, while Drake was in the quiz room, attending the tossup questions. Due to forwarding questions to and answers from Josh, Drake was performing extraordinarily well. But then Joh messed it all up, and line noise intruded into the wireless connectio. Drake answered everything wrong, endangering a possible victory. It worked out well in the end, just because Josh had taught Drake some chemistry the night before the academic match.

But it was of course impossible to keep Drake in the team, and Michelle was upset and trashed Drake for being dishonest, although she should have dumped him for being one stupid jerk.

Thus the fourth spot in the team was once more vacant, and Megan suggested me to try out for it.

##  10:4  Tossup Questions

I was submitted to a typical tossup quiz by **Mr. Roland** ,10:3 the adviser of our academic team. I was able to answer weighty-seven out of one hundred questions correctlyduring the allowed ampunt of time. This was more than most high school kids, barring of course Eric Blonowitz, had done.

Thus I was accepted into the high school team fr academic bowls, and I would compete against the smart guys of a few other schools, first in the closer region, and finally against educational institutions from other parts of California, including … Pacific Coast Academy! But there were still a few weeks left until the final encounters, and I needed to train a lot. But with some luck, I would be the first elementary school kid to win the regional academic bowl for a high school team.

At the same time, I was able to gather the necessary hardware from Wayne Gilbert needed for _Nevelocity_ , and I was looking for some intersting people to interview for the web site.

#  Chapter 11  Ashley Blake: The Queen Of Drama

##  11:1  A Celebrity To Come

While Helen Dubois was no longer an active actress, singer, and dancer visible on the big screen, she had still got contacts reaching far within the twisted world of Hollywood. This allowed her even to host the première parties for a few Hollywood movies.

Drake hoped to make it to one of those parties in order to meet some important people and improve his chances for a good record contract, best combined with music videos and sound track features. He hoped for the help of Josh, who had recently been hired by Helen Dubois for all kinds of dirty work within the cinema.

The next première party to be hosted by Helen was that of a new movie of one **Ashley Blake** ,11:1 a child star of my age. OK, it was an exorbitant understatement to call Ashley just one child star. She was simply the one and only Hollywood superstar of my age. Even I had seen many of her movies, my favourite being _Queen Of Kids_ , of which I had got a DVD. Note that this was the only Hollywood movie that I had got on a DVD! Her movies were so refreshingly unconventional, and I saw a lot more in it than what the producers, directors, and the whole bunch of vulgar Ashley Blake fanboys and fangirls tried to force me to see in them. I had already written so-called **fan fictions** about that movie, another nerdy activity frowned upon by the vulgar rest of people of my age.

My site _Nevelocity_ had not yet started, and the announce of the arrival of Ashley Blake in San Diego gave me a grandiose idea: An interview with Ashley Blake about her life and works would be the optimal startout for a web site like mine! 

But of course it was not possible to simply approach such a star, regardless of his or her age, and start interviewing away. There were schedules, security guards, and many more mechanisms to prevent the average citizen from doing so.

Unfortunately, I was now so obsessed with the idea of interviewing Ashley that I forgot about many other things. Mindy noticed this, and she already started believing that I had got a crush on the celebrity. She was convinced that this feeling would pass by, though.

At belleview elementary school, Ashley’s movies were equally popular among boys and girls. Megan and Wendy were even watching some of them over and over. all night long. 

Even some guys way older than Ashley were addicted to them, such as Joshua Nichols. For many naïve onlookers, this seemed absolutely embarrassing.

##  11:2  Ashley’s Prsonal Assistant

I was not around when Ashley Blake and her team arrived at Première Theatre, but this did not mean that I was not informed about everything.

Usually, **Miles Blake** ,11:2 one of Ashley’s brothers, was serving as her personal assistant. Buit he screwed it up big times, adn Ashley fired him because he was plain boring. This already underlined that she was as cold as ice, like a true diva, and it made me want to interview her even more. She would certainly have got a lot of interesting things to tell the viewers of my site.

Helen Dubois had to find her a new personal assistant for the looming event, abnd she chose no other than Josh Nichols. Of course, the freak was somewhat pleased, given that she was one of his favourite stars. But he would son thereafter get to feel the other side of the diva: Josh was tormented over nd over again by her capricious requests. Alas, it was now too late, and Helen was not willing to change the arrangements again.

But it was also Josh’s fault. He did not take care of Ashley’s sensitivity, and when asked for some luke-warm water, he gave her simply cold tape water, upsetting the delicate system of the little diva. This was of course a rude thing to do, and Josh deserved every bit of the insults he got to hear for his capital onslaught on Ashley’s health.

But Drake and Josh were secure in the knowledge that evil had got one name: Ashley Blake. But after all, Drake’s rants about Ashley were just like the proverbial pot calling the kettle black: As an aspiring Hollywood celebrity, he would be more and more like Ashley, or he would fail miserably.

##  11:3  The Interview

After checking in at Première Theater, there was still a bunch of hours left. Bored Ashley Blake decided to spend htgis time with Megan over at her home. She told her body guard to drop her at the residence of the Parkers and the Nichols.

Drake and Josh were of course little pleased by the presence of the annoying diva.

And the bigheaded dweeb committed one more perverse mistake: He gave Ashley a javaccino with normal latte instead of soy latte. Ashley was lactose intolerant, and thus she was endangered a lot by Josh’s decadent misdeed.

While Megan and Ashley wanted to use the time in order to plan more thoroughly deserved onslaughts on the disgusting boobs, Megan also remembered my plans. She used her mobile telephone in order to inform me about Ashley’s presence.

Finally, I showed up at the residence of the Parkers. More precisely, Mindy dropped me there, and she was still acting a bit reuctant, because of her dubious feelings for Josh. She had recently humiliated him again in the science fair, and she was now in a very bad mood. But she decided to wait outside the home of the family from the other side, just to intervene when needed.

So, this was Ashley Blake, the little Hollywood diva. I was totally excited when shaking hands with the weird celebrity. Then it was time to startt the interview.

The interview with the drama princess seemed to come along smoothly. In the beginning, she was reluctant to answer, and she wanted her paid assistant Josh to answer on her behalf. But Megan was able to dissuade her from doing so. because Josh was just an ineopt boob who would mess up everything and distort Ashley’s personality in the interview completely.

Among other things, I was learning that Ashley would go to enroll at aforementioned Pacific Coast Academy for the next year. Her brother **Vincent Blake** was already a student at that renowned boarding school, and he was up to a career as a quarterback in the national football association. There was still a long way to go for that middle school guy.

I also wondered whther Ashley was also up to other kinds of performance arts, such as dancing, singing, and stuff like that. She clearly excelled in solo acting and long largely pantomimical soliloquies or monologues. But Ashley was not willing to sing a lot, let alone dance, although she was up to performing as a background girl in music videos and commercials. Modeling from television commercials was definitely her cup of tea.

Nevertheless, she talked a bit about her contacts in the Hollywood business, and this made me and Megan think about our quest for a decent record label for Drake. I will come back to this later down the road.

It was now time for Ashley to get back to Première Theater, but there was a problem: Josh was just knocked out by a buckett fallng down from the edge of a door. It was empty, because Megan had noit filled it yet with caustic liquids or so. But the nerdy boob was nevertheless dazed and unable to serve as her personal assistant. Thus the diva needed a new slave, and she chose me for that business.

Megan pouted a bit, because she had to take care of her dizzy brother, and she was also — as she would admit te next day — jealous because Ashley spent too much time with me.

I was not exactly fond of being the successor of both Miles Blake and Josh Nichols, but it had to be. At the same time, it served another purpose.

##  11:4  The Première Party

Helen was a bit consternated, and she believed that Josh was deliberately missing out on the event. But she could not help following Ashley’s wishes.

The new movie was not bad, but it could not hold a dimming candle to _Queen Of Kids_. Yet I already thought about writing fan fiction about it as well. 

The movie was over, and it was time for the paparazzi to ask questions. But Ashley was still reluctant. I intervened and took the microphone. “Ladies and gentlemen … I have interviewed Ashley Blake a few hours ago. Her answers to all important questions are now found on _nevelocity dot com_ … I repeat: _nevelocity dot com_! Thanks for your attention! Miss Blake is going to take a nap until tomorrow at eleven ante meridiem …” This way, I made some publicity for my own site, while taking some burden off Ashley who was allergic to public interviews. 

In addition, I had found some useful contacts that would, if working out as planned, be beneficial for Drake Parker’s career.

#  Chapter 12  Low And High Pressure

##  12:1  Back At Belleview

The summer break was finally over, and it had seen a brilliant start of my web presence, down to the wonderful interview with Ashley Blake. 

I had spent some time with my mother in Seattle, but now it was the right moment in order to return to Belleview for the begin of the restarting academic year. This way, I encountered Megan Parker again, who was once more stuffed into my homeroom class. I had not seen her much since the première party of Ashley’s new movie. But now she beamed brightly. She had seen the beginning of _Nevelocity_. Of course she was particularly keen on my characterisation of her web site in one of my reviews, the longest hitherto found in _Nevelocity_ past my recension of the latest movie of Ashley Blake.

>   
>  Megan Parker, a totally mysterious and charming young girl from San Diego, has established the leading repository demonstrating the futility of modern family life.
> 
> Drake and Josh, or — as you should call them — Boob and Boob, are the epitome of useless elder brothers.
> 
> So if you need to know what family means today, videlicet: the source of embarrassment and disgust, you should definitely visit _meganparker dot com_!

This way, many more kids had started growing suspicious of the decadent values of family life and morals, as would be seen soon enough from the reactions to the latest reviews.

And now Megan planned an important addition to her web site:

##  12:2  Josh On TV

Josh Nichols was invited to present the weather forecast on his father’s behalf during the next evening. But he was a complete dork and sdweeb, unable to talk seriously in front of the broad masses.

Megan has found out that this was an problem of her evil step-brother that he had already encountered a few years ago. Nervosity caused him to sweat as much as the impressive cataracts of Niagara. “Josh always does that under pressure.” She had tiold him once more that standing in teh spot lights means a lot of high pressure. “Make one mistake that is broadcast to millions of people, and this will feel like making millions of mistakes at the same time!”

As you know, a lot of the art of weather forecasting depends on the distribution of zones of low and high pressure in the earth’s atmosphere. Thus Josh was forced to talk about low and high pressure, and thus to repeat the word that must have sounded by now like a curse in his ears. Needless to say, he screwed it up over and over again, and the floor of the weather studio was now soaked with his perversely smelly sweat.

Megan saved pictures of this embarrassing situation, and she uploaded it straight to her web site. of coursem this was worthy of a brilliant review. Withing two hours, this video of an insanely twitching Josh under pressure broke all hitherto beknownst records.

##  12:3  More Talent

Helen Dubois had once again opened the gates of Première Theater for the audience awaiting the looming exposition of San Diego’s hugest talents.

This year, Megan and I were not participating, as Wendy had dissuaded us from doing so. 

On the other hand, we were up to some big strike: Upon Ashley’s première party, I had made contacts with a few people in Los Angeles. This way, we had reached out for one of the most important guys in the record industry: **Gustavo Rocque** from **Rocque Records**. 

And this master of the record branch was here at Première Theater, right for the talent show. He was accompanied by his patient secretary **Kelly Waynright**. In addition, he was wearing a wig in order to cover his semi-bald head, and in order to avoid getting recognised prematurely.

As you probably imagine, it was not easy to arrange a date with Gustavo Rocque, and he was not going tp go easy on Drake, even if he found him worthy of a record contract. Gustavo was known for temper tantrums in the likeness of an earthquake.

And that was properly why Megan had chosen him: If there was someone to funnel any sense into Drake’s brain, it was certainly someone like Gustavo Rocque.

Drake had recently practised a new number for his performance at the talent show: _iFound A Way_.12:1 The lyrics were once more by Adelaide Singer, but Drake did not know this. Wendy had helped her out with composing the tune. But Drake did not know about either of those.

Before the begion of the show, Megan called me into a dark corner. Then she whispered: “What I had already wanted to tell you one year ago … I love you!” She blushed a shade of deep crimson, but the darkness of the corner did not allow me to notice that.

Anyways, I went equally through diffderent kinds of shades. I panted heavily. “I love you too. I should have seen that coming from the first day I met you.” I started sweating, almost like Josh, but there were fortunately no cameras looking at us. 

A few months ago, Wendy Gellar, Adelaide Singer, and her brother Benjamin had wondered whether Megan and I were already a couple. We had denied that, but apparently not been really at ease with that situation. Fortunately, we were not in the show as canditates, for otherwise we would have failed badly.

So mnow we all expected Drake to win the talent show with ease, even convincingbarely convinceable Gustavo Rocque. Thelatter admitted that he would not even have considered checking out o Drake, had it not been for the wonderful interview with Ashley Blake on _Nevelocity_.

Helen annopunced now the probably lamest number of the evening, some sort of church choir kids. Last year, they had sung traditional Christmas song _Silent Night_. But now they surprised, singing no other song than Drake’s selected _iFound A Way_.

Drake was of course consternated. Now he had to come up with something else.

I deemed this unfair, and I picked my mobile telephone set on site in order to call the number of a certain **Claire Sawyer** , a middle school student of aforementioned James K. Polk Middle School in Santa Clarita. She had been recommended unto me by Mr. Combover, the piano tuner, as an expert for legal questions concerning a possible contract between Drake and Rocque Records. But now she was needed for another purpose.

Unfortunately, she was not able to intervene on site. But Megan explained teh situation unto Helen. The former child star gasped. “Gustavo Rocque is here?”

Megan nodded solemnly. “He wants to hear Drake perform the same song that had been stolen buy those creeps here.

Helen could not identify Gustavo, due to his wig, so I told the record expert to remove it and expose himself to the stage. Helen introduced Gistavo immediately as a special guest. Then she called Claire Sawyer as well, who turned out as a niece of Helen.

Gustavo was furious and impatient.

Helen disqualified the song thieves on site. “Either this, or my niece will sue you for at least …”

The charlatans were gone as gast as a freshly greased flash of lightening. 

Gustavo adored Helen, of whom he had been one of the biggest fans during her active Hollywood career, for her impulsive and uncompromising interventions.

Finally, Drake performed _iFound A Way_ , but he suffered now a lot from the nervosoity, given how much depended on Gustavo’s judgment.

Gustavo was now no longer sure whether to choose him, so he told us that he would tell us his decision later on. So how would the great zampano of the world of records decide?

#  Chapter 13  Neurotic Obsession

##  13:1  Ranger Scouts

Walter Nichols was not just a poor excuse of a weather reporter, but also an even worse exoample of a ranger scout. For that avail, he had to leave his not much more competent som Josh in charge. There was a grpup of elementary school rangers to advise, including Megan Parker, Wendy Gellar, and Pete Tycho. A new menmber was saracasti **Liza Hamilton**.13:1

Fortunately, I was not made a member of the group. Nobody was there really voluntarily, especially not Megan. But this was the only way they werre allowed to participate in sleepovers.

Josh was preparing some sort of marshmellow cookies for his ranger group. Of course they were extremely hot when still fresh off the stove, but this did not prevent Drake from tryin to smneak one of them down his gullet. But the resulting pains were horrible.

He was a very stupid leader, although he qualifies as a scout because of his great abilities of navigation in the wilderness. He knew how to find his way using a compass and a topographic map of the region. Megan had already thought about confusing him by distracting the needle of his compass with the help of a stromng magnet, causing it to err like crazy and sending the careless nerd into the wrong direction. This was particularly funny because magnetism had bee the topic of Josh’s last science fair, and it was also going to be that of his upcoming project.13:2 Of course he had lost it once more to my cousin. 

For me, it was more and more impossible to see my xcousin suffer from her problems, but she was still not willing to talk about it.

Megan would not have wanted Josh to get lost for real, though, except in a harmless test camping somewhere in the backyards of San Diego, where it would have been fun.

But this was nothing compared to someone else’s insane feelings …

##  13:2  Wendy Likes Drake

As we have seen, Wendy had started learnin g seceretly about the composition of rock tunes, which was of course not much of a work, as they consisted usually of about three accords. But now it became clear that she was really hankering after Drake Parker. and she used the ranger sleepovers at Megan’s residence in order to hit on him in the most merciless manner.

She was really acting crazy.

Drake had given her an autograph, using the words _in love, Drake_. Wendy mistook it as a sign of her feelings getting replied in kind, although he did not mean it like that, just like the usual patronising love of the older for the younger.

Josh seemed to take this easy. He compared it t his equally insane crush on **Opera Windfree** , a popular show host of about fifty years. But nothing he said did make Drake feel more at ease with the current situation.

Wendy had even already started printing announces of Drake’s first record, produced by Gustavo Rocque, although the nedotiations were still secret and not completed. This was nothing to be taken lightly in the music branch.

Josh was thoroughly consternated, though, because Drake had written his autograph onto the back side of Josh’s photograph of one of his favourite actors.

Wendy had already started printing invitation cards for her own and Drake’s wedding. She would be totally hard broken, should she ever her that she had been rushing it a bit, and that she had misunderstood everything. In addition, she would have turned into the class monkey at Belleview Elementary School.

Her parents saw only one way to overcome Wendy’s craziness: She would be sent to a boarding school, more precisely: to Pacific Coast Academy, just like Ashley Blake.

##  13:3  Gustavo’s Conditions

Drake had been waiting with suspense for the impending reply from Gustavo Rocque, who was still deciding about whether to give him a contract or not. 

Megan and I had already told him to show a copy to Claire Sawyer before signing anything. Well, technically, her mother would have been needed, too, in order to countersign the whole scribbles, but Audrey was such a poor excuse of a wife and mother, we should ot talk about it. Why did her former husband leave her anyways? Megan had never talked about it, and she supposed that she had only been told lies about her dad, anyways.

But now there was the answer: Gustavo Rocque wanted to build a band around Drake. It was supposed to be a mixed band of boys and girls, but the other members were still not reveiled. In addition, the first project of the group would have been a soundtrack and a series of music videos for a new show by aforementioned Malcolm Reese, the emperor of Hollywood.

Drake would have to move to Los Angeles, though, and more precisely, he would come to live in a room renowned **Palwood Springs Hotel** , the typical place for future Hollywood stars to live. But he would also have to go to Gustavo’s **School Of Rocque** , a new prep school for the record producer’s young talents.

Drake had now got two months to think about the conditions and to check with his mother and with his lawyer.

Wendy had heard that Palmwood Spruings and the campus of Pacific Coast Academy were not all that far from one another, and this made her happy.

Megan was now going to collect more informations about Palmwood Springs. She hoped that everything would turn out better for her once her annoying brother was gone. But she could not let him down completely and needed to be sure that he was in the right hands. She was still convinced of Gustavo as one appropriate guy in order to teach Drake what he needed, and so did I.

##  13:4  Drake Goes On

Unfortunately, inspite of being rude to Wendy, he did not waste his time and keep on hopping from girl to girl. While he had promised Wendy his love, he kept on cheating on her with **Larissa Davis** ,13:3 one of his even dumber class mates.

And now he slipped into even more trouble: He started dating the daughter of the most evil of all teachers: **Kelly Hayfer** ,13:4 **Mrs. Hayfer** the daughter of **Linda Hayfer** , the incarnation of evilness among all teachers of Belleview. Only Joshua Nichols was able to bear her.

#  Chapter 14  Foul Deals

##  14:1  Lucky Shirt

Little later, Drake and Josh had found some shirt that seemed to provide them with good luck.14:1 At first, they did not want to believe that deal. But it had saved them from a lot of troubles, indeed. But of course it only worked for the one wearing it. Cutting it into half and sharing it did not work out.

This way, Drake got out of a very miserable situation:

He had figured that Kelly was the daughter of Mrs. Hayfer, and he was not allowed to break her heart, lest he wanted to get sent to summer school. Unfortunately, Drake became annoyed and bored pretty fast by Kelly, especially due to her insanely repetitive laughter. In other words, he had to get her to break with him instead vice versa. Only the lucky shirt helped him to master the situation.

About at the same time, Josh managed dating Kelly’s best friend **Alison Pride**14:2 with the help of the lucky shirt. Alsion was a top model, and she was — like Josh — addicted to video games.

But Megan recognised that the shirt was a curse indeed, and thuse she gave it away to some hobo. The curse would only show on the long run, after having worn the shirt for most of the time, but then it would strike mercilessly.

Summing it up: The shirt was like striking a foul deal with Satan, as known from so many stories of the past, such as _Faust_ by German poet **Johan Wolfgang von Goethe**.

As you remember, I had got locker number 239, and there were rumours that it was a weird locker of some sorts. Indeed, various creeps had already asked me to trade lockers with them. It seemed to be ideal for hiding something, as I was able to infer from the banter of my class mates. What did those hankering after my locker want to hide therein? Stolen goods? A corpse? Pornography? That was not clear, but I better did beware!

##  14:2  Buddy And Guy

While Claire sawyer was still busy checking the contracts between Drake and Gustavo, the jerk of Belleview was up to some other kind of business in order to save a few bucks for his first world tour.

Recentlly, star athlete and actor **Gary Coleman**14:3 had recently started marketing his own barbecue set. It used the latest technology by **Qualitech** ,14:4 a company with headquarters in Los Angeles and teh habit of selling weird technologies, in order to minimise the risks and maximise the fun of a grill party. The barbecue set even included a built0in player for music files.

Drake had now met two hitherto unbeknownst creeps in the cafeteria of Première Theater. One of the called himself _Buddy_ , the other one _Guy_. Of course those were nowhere near the names of those windy guys, but they were criminals that had to hide their identity. Only years later would I know that they belonged to the gang of the worst mass criminal of downtown Seattle: **Carmine Puckett** ,14:5 the embodiment of brute crimes. And the Gary Coleman barbecue sets had of course not been purchased in a legal manner, but stolen from the storage of Qualitech. 

While Megan and I did not know about the theft, it was clear that there had to be something fishy: The barbecue devices may for the same reason have been counterfeited or outruled misproductions. Whatever was the case: Drake and Josh should have checked their sources before striking a corrupt deal.

Megan wanted to go through their business stuff, but the boobs refused to let her participate. Megan was of course not — as perversely naïve onlookers claimed — interested in their money, but she tried to figure where the business partners were from. Of course, the little cunning witness would have been a better salesgirl than the stupid boobs taken together.

And now Drake and Josh had already spent most of the money from their sinister deal by buying useless luxury crap filling their dormitory room from the bottom to the top.

##  14:3  Locked Up

The inevitable had to come:

Drake and Josh got rightfully framed for their business with stolen Gary grills., and they were put into a dark and moist cell in San Diego city prison, awaiting judgment and the ultimate punishment.

Like all criminals, they were given some free telephone call in order to call their family or a lawyer to support them.

Drake and Josh wondered what to do. They knew that Megan was still in a stinky mood because she had not been allowed to join their business. Then they remembered that they had still got the business card of Claire Sawyer. Of course, the latter was only a future lawyer, and thus she had not got any real competences in situation where an attorney’s presence was mandatory, But she was still able to give useful legal advice, and thus Josh decided to call the law-smart middle school girl from Santa Clarita.

Unfortunately, Josh had accidentally eaten the card. But as Claire was the niece of Helen, it was easy to contact her anyways by calling Première Theatre, and by telling Helen to show up with a lot of money and her law-savy niece.

##  14:4  Set Free

Claire and Helen showed up. But they were also followed by Kelly Waynright and Gustavo Rocque. 

Kelly wondered what the boobs had slipped into, but she knew that it had been more of a stupidity than a deliberate crime.

Claire identified herself as the intern of **Wilma Bassett** , the leading personal injury attorney of Los Angeles.

**John Swift** ,14:6 the responsible officer from the Federal Bureau Of Investigation, checked Claire’s statements, and she allowed her and her company to enter. Little did anyone but Helen know that Wilma was also the sister of Crazy Steve, and she had usually been struggling to pull Steve out of troubles.

Claire insisted in getting Drake and Josh set free on probation until the start of the legal process in front of the federal court, which was still to be opened by Mr. Swift, but a high fee was required.

Kelly talked upset Gustavo into lending Drake and Josh the requested sum. 

“But it will be deducted from the revenues for your first sound track,” declared the xcholeric record producer.

##  14:5  Gary Wants His Money Back

Megan had beguiled the evil guys into admitting that they had stolen the grills from the storage of Gary Coleman.

Thereupon, the Federal Bureau Of Investigation dropped the cahrges against Drake and Josh. However, the local police would fine them for careless albeit not deliberate collaboration in a crime.

And this was of course just one of the troubles: Gary Coleman wanted of course the money back that he had spent into the grills.

But Drake and Josh had already spent all of it, and selling the goods purchased in turn would not make up for it, for selling used ware would not cover the costs for buying the same stuff fresh from the original vendor. So even after giving Gary those items, they were not able to pay for all of his losses. 

Fortunately, Mindy Crenshaw jumped in in order to save her secretly beloved Josh. She had discovered that the barbecue sets were somewhat faulty. “I will repair and improve them, but you have to cancel Josh’s debts!”

Josh looked aghast. First, he still did not understand why Mindy would do that for him. Second, he was not willing to get his own debts cancelled, but to leave Drake in his demise. He would have rejected the offer, but Megan forced him to accept it. 

“Boob! This is not going anywhere! Drake will soon have enough bucks to buy all the crap anew, and you will have nothing, because Helen barely gives you enough money for you to breathe!” Megan looked vicious.

Josh finally chimmed in, but he was not comfortable with owing Mindy.

#  Chapter 15  Spring Fling At PCA

##  15:1  Ashley’s Return Into Drake’s Life

Finally, it was the right time for Gustavo Rocque and his secretary Kelly Waynright to reveil the other members of the future band he had in mind for Drake Parker.

After all the expenses Gustavo had recently been forced to make in order to save Drake’s hindside, there was now hardly any chance left for Drake to refuse Gustavo’s offer, for otherwise he would have been left with a huge heap of debts.

The band would probably consist of **Harper Harris** ,15:1 Lisa Perkins,15:2, Robert Hottie,15:3 and Lucilla Stone.15:4

Harper was the youngest of the band members: He was only ten years old, but already incredibly gifted as a singer and guitarist.

Lucilla was an alike looking cousin of aforementioned Geena Fabiano, the best friend of Adelaide Singer. Adelaide had recommended her after negotiating with Gustavo for the rights to the use of her song lyrics. Claire Sawyer had driven an incredibly hard bargain, buy the way.

Robert was alredy a grown up pop star, left without a band because of private issues.

As aforementioned, the first project of the group would have been that of producing a sound track for a new show by Malcolm Reese. The latter had already chosen the female main star for this show: It was no other than our child idol Ashley Blake.

Needless to say, Drake looked consternated, because he was still of the opinion that Ashley was the epitome of evilness. He puked all over the residence, and Josh urged him to refuse to sign.

But the bigheaded boob had not got a plan B, either, and thus he was not really able to stop Drake from taking the bitter bite. “Good luck for the soundtrack!” He sighed deeply.

Was Drake’s life now ruined?

##  15:2  Traditional Party

Towards the end of the winter term, there was an outstanding tradition observed loyally at Pacific Coast Academy: The so-called spring fling was **supposed** to be one bug party. 

The problem was of course the fact that in the eyes of the vulgar teenage population of the day, a party was nothing without really rocking music.

Inviting a star band for a school party was not inexpensive, either.

During the last months, Drake had accumulated a lot of fame. and the teenage girls of southern California were faling for him like certain bugs and vermin for human excrements and cadavers.

Some of those fangirls were studying at Pacific Coast Academy, and one of them had got the idea of hiring Drake and his new band for the spring fling.

This girl was Glazer’s niece **Zoë Brooks** , a blond and excessively charming Mary Sue and eighth grader in charge with the organisation of the party. She had seen several video of Drake roaming the interweb since teh day he had filled in the position of Devin Malone for one concert.

Her best friend was **Nicole Bristow** , an excruciatingly ditzy bimbo wench from Kansas, a state in the middle of nowhere land. She as perversely obsessed with Drake, even more so than Wendy Gellar, Who – by the way – was about to join Pacific Coast Academy right after the looming spring break in order to reinforce the army of Drake fangirls.

While Zoey was fairly rational for a girl, Nicole was impossible to tame. She was hankering after about each cute boy crossing the way, and that included of course also Drake.

By the way: Quinn Pensky was now also a student at Pacific Coast Academy, but she was not interrested in Drake’s terrible noise, either.

Gustavo Rocque wanted to charge six thousand bucks for a concert of Drake and his new band, but he went down to four thousand because the band was performing for students. But he made it clear that the required price would increase rapidly after the production and publication of the new sound track.

Alas, even the reduced sum as too much for the students of the prep school to pay with ease. Kelly’s attempts of talking Gustavo had been futile so far. They would have to torture themselves through fund raising actions, and as I had already seen at Belleview, events of that sort could go either way. It was really risky. The popular classic was a car wash, but water and polish costed a lot, and what if anything broke in the process, and the girls were forced to pay for the repair?

There was, however, one student at Pacific Coast Academy able to pay the required sum with ease: **Logan Reese** , the spoiled brat-like son of aforementioned multigazillionary Malcolm Reese. But the creep did not want to pay for it. The reason for this was not that he disliked the music of Drake — quite the contrary. Like the average teenager, he was addicted to that annoying sound. But there was one problem with Drake: He was totally the heartthrob of the female teenage population of the greater Los Angeles area, and his presence on the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy would strip Logan of his chances to impress girls. Logan was a rude jock, and he treated girls regularly like dirt. For me, it was a relief to see that Drake was not the worst of the worst, but that he was at least working hard for his renown among girls. Summing it up: Logan saw Drake as some dangerous competition for his renown as a reckless womaniser.

Malcolm Reese was one of the biggest sponsors of Pacific Coast Academy, by the way. This fact made me come one idea: 

The next serious project of Drake’s band, according to Gustavo’s plans, was the sound track for an upcoming movie of Malcolm Reese. Thus I mailed Malcolm my suggestion to combine the concert with a promotion for his movie, where of course the presence of the band was needed. Even more, the campus would be useful as a background for some side scenes of the movie, and Malcolm should shoot them upon the spring party.

Malcolm liked the idea, especially because he remembered my recension of one of his latest movies embedded into the interview with siuperdiva Ashley Blake, a student at Pacific Coast Academy. Thereupon he forwarded it on side to Gustavo Rocque. This time, everything made such a lot of sense to Gustavo, and he decided to let the boys and girls play without forcing the students of the illustrious boarding school to pay for it.

For Drake, this meant that he would be forced to work together with Ashley Blake for the first time, right upon the spring fling of Pacific Coast Academy. Little wonder, he was not very fond of that, but now his life depended on it. Would he find a way to get along with the arrogant diva?

##  15:3  The Heartless Diva?

I was not at the concert, because I still disliked Drake’s music as a hell of noise, although I knew that there were louder instruments than his guitar. 

But Megan had been over there in order to visit Ashley and to check in Wendy. She reported back to me:

>   
>  In the beginning, it seemed to turn out as a catastrophe, more because of Lisa Perkins and Harper harris than because of Drake.
> 
> The former future stars of Afro American descent deemed Ashley a racist, probably because of the occurrence of the name in popular _Gone With The Wind_ by Margaret Mitchell.
> 
> You know, that snobbish southern lady.
> 
> Of course, our Ashley is rude to everyone, black or white, man or woman, adult or child, poor or rich.
> 
> In addition, the creep from that old novel is a man. The name _Ashley_ is pretty much gender insensitive.
> 
> And now Drake even defended her, although he had formerly seen her as evilness incarnate.
> 
> Even Kelly had to intervene in order to calm the situation.

The explanation was simple: Drake was now a superstar like Ashley, and she considered him as a peer. But I also sensed a few sparks flying. So where was this going to wind up?

#  Chapter 16  Inn Finders Keepers

##  16:1  Palmwood Springs

While in Los Angeles, Drake and Megan had already checked out Palmwood Springs Hotel, the upcoming residence of Drake and his band members.

There was also a high school in the hotel. It was run by the trades union for actors and other Hollywood professions, and thus open for all those working in the Hollywood business. The only regular teacher over there was one **Mrs. Collins**.16:1

Gustavo hated the trades union, and thus he had come up with his own school: The School Of Rocque.

But Drake hated school anyways, so it did not really make a difference for him. At least he was finally getting rid of Mrs. Hayfer.

And now it is time to take a look at the hotel as such. Once more, it looked like a lot of luxury and comfort, with a big pool and many facilities. This made it a bit of a paradisic retreat for the inhabitants, usually fledgling Hollywood stars and their company. They were insulated from the bothersome outside world.

Drake was certainly going to make new friends pretty fast, such as **Nicole Shardsinger** ,16:2 a super star and lead singer of a popular girl band, or **Ginger Fox** ,16:3, a former teenage star who was now stuck in a crisis, or **Dak Zevom** ,16:4 He would certainly not have to feel lonely ad misunderstood.

##  16:2  New Business Idea

The Gary Coleman barbecue business had been a plain disaster. But this did not distract Drake from making more business plans for Josh, He had got his record contract on probation, but he was convinced that he needed to help Josh to start his own business. Helen did apparently not pay Josh enough to make some savings for the time after high school.

Audrey Parker and Walter Nichols were out of town during spring break, and they left Drake and Josh in charge with the residence. During an otherwise boring night in Première Theatre, Drake had realised that there were many visitors in San Diego during that time of the year> They use to be from the dry regions of the country, and they wanted to enjoy the beach and the spring sun of southern California. Of course they needed a place to stay for a few days, such as a hotel, and those were often choke full when the tourists came flooding the sandy beach.

This situation made Drake think of renting the empty rooms in the residence of the Parkers and Nichols during the parents’ absence.

Usually, Drake would have been totally unexperienced, and the whole business would have failed as badly as the Gary Coleman junk. But there was someone able to come to Drake’s rescue:

**Reginald Bitters** was the manager of Palmwood Springs Hotel. As suggested by the name, he was excruciatingly grumpy, but he was certainly experienced enough in this trade in order to provide Drake and Josh with the necessary knowledge for running a little family inn for a limited period in time.

##  16:3  Mindy’s Objections

Mindy Crenshaw had been relieved when she had heart about Drake’s impending departure to Los Angeles in order to work for Gustavo Rocque. But this did not mean that she was now safe, for — as everyone was able to figure with ease — Drake was even able to manipulate his dweeb of a step-brother from afar. 

Her hatred had thus grown even stronger, and she started to insult Drake’s fangirl for no reason. 

I understood why she would hate a dumb wench like Nicole Bristow, who was Kelly Hayfer of steroids, or decadent jock **Dana Cruz** , the room mate of Zoey and Nicole.

But Zoë Brooks was an impressive young lady that did not brainlessly succumb to Drake like an obsessive fangirl. She just liked his music, and that was it.Unlike Nicole, she did not lust for Drake. She was just some sort of the president of the Drake fan club at Pacific Coast Academy, because other girls lacked her charm and her smartness.

Yet there was something Mindy hated Zoey for: The Mary Sue had designed a logo for Drake’s new band. Gustavo Rocque was now already investing several thousands of bucks into the rights for the design. originally, Zoey had wanted to raise funds for the concert by selling tank tops with that logo, but this would not have worked out.

Mindy had now got a great idea: She knew that Zoey was a most passionate designer, not only of logos for tank tops. She had already designed ooutfits for a commercial that was part of a class project.16:5 Mindy’s idea was now that of counterfeiting the designs made by the blond Mary Sue, and to sell them via interweb, ruining thusly Zoey’s business.

I admitted that it was a cool plan, but I thought that my cousin was going out of her way. I had to prevent her from doing real damage to Miss Brooks.

Zoë Brooks was a fantabulous fashion designer anyways, and she should have worked for **Mad Style** in New York city … of for my future haberdashery.

##  16:4  Bitter Lessons

Reginald Bitters was now taking a closer look at Drake’s and Josh’s business project, and at the residence of the Parkers and the Nichols.

Unfortunately, this major expert was not necessarily pleased by the situation. Drake’s plans were about to encounter both economical and legal obstacles. Drake thought of getting Claire Sawyer to solve the latter, and Gustavo and Helen to solve the former. 

There were a few things to repair in the house in order to make it acceptable for tourists. Bitters even helped Drake and Josh with those. He was a passionate hammer thrower, which means that he was able to throw a hammer across the room, and to drive a nail into the wall by this means. This looked cool, but it was both loud and dangerous, thence applicable only in afew exceptional situations.

It was now too late for this spring break, but Drake tried to persuade his step-brother into trying again during summer break.

#  Chapter 17  Xenophilia

##  17:1  Yewka Of Yewdonia

Since a few months, Joshua Nichols had got an interweb relationship with **Yewka** , a girl from a fairly small eastern european country named **Yewdonia**.17:1

Yewdonia had once belonged to the mighty soviet empire, and Yewka was born in the time of the downfall and opening of the same, if her data were correct. This was not an easy time, after all. Now it was a little and narrow corner in the former Russian world, with economical and social problems blossoming everywhere.

And now Yewka had successfully applied for a tourists’ visum in order to make it to California and to visit Josh.

As I was good with foreign languages, I decided to buy a Yewdonian dictionary and a grammar book in order to learn some of the language, be it in order to control or to surprise the visitor was not much of a difference.

Mindy was totally suspicious. She feared that Yewka wanted to steal Josh off her. “She is one seductive mistress, I guess!” In addition, Yewka was blond, as much as Zoë Brooks. For that reason, Mindy was most likely to hate Yewka, anyways. “Maybe she is even a Russian spy! I need to proof that she is. The Josh will not want her any longer.”

I was not able to confirm my cousin’s rants on site, but I knew that there was certainly a grain of truth. There was luittle that Drake really knew about his friend from the former Soviet Union.

What had become of Mindy’s plans of hurting Zoey by means of plagiarism? I sensed that she would not give them up easily, and I better took care of that trend. 

##  17:2  Ma Glockma

I was now sitting in the lounge of Peremi‘ere Theater, along with my class pal Ribert Crmichael. Mindy had taken me to that place, but she was fortunately busy talking with one of her class mates. She would have exploded if she had seen Josh and Yewka enter the lounge, hand in hand. I talked to the bigheaded dork. “Is that your new girl from Europe?”

Josh growled: “My girl? We are just friends. And she is from Yewdonia.” 

I shrugged. “Nice for you! You are going to watch a movie?”

Josh beamed. “Oh yeah, the only movie by a Yewdonian director that had ever made it to Hollywood.” The movie was _Ma Glockma_ , and it depicted social problems in the subordinate states during the fall of the Soviet empires.

It had not been easy for Josh to get at that movie. More precisely, crazy Stephen Shay had to look fall it throughout southern California. 

Josh was proud of it, because he had been able to offer his friend an atmosphere she was familiar with from her home — or so he thought. He had overheard a phone call with her parents. Megan had already told me about that conversation. Yewka had used two words, denoting _home_ and _sick_. He had concluded that Yewka was sick from missing her fatherland. But quite the contrary was the case, and in order to know that, Josh should have studied Yewdonian grammar instead of looking just up two words mentioned withing the same clause. Yewka was not sick because of her separation from home, but the cureent political situation in Yewdonia made her sick. She was really looking for a reason to stay in the United States of Anerica. The last thing she wanted was being constantly reminded of her homeland.

Summing it up, Yewka did not want to watch _Ma Glockma_. She had already seen it many a time in Yewdonia, and of course it reminded her of her deprecated fatherland.

Josh sighed. “OK, we will watch something else. There are many movies on the big board.” 

Now Crazy Steve intervened. “Hey! I have gone through so many troubles in order to fetch that movie, on the behalf of a certain person, and now the movie will be watched by a certain somebody, or else I will submit the same person to some unspeakable pain and torture,” yelled the sociopath.

I panted heavily. “OK, I will watch the movie.” I had learned yewdonian, and now I wanted to test my knowledge. It would not be easy, but I was up for the challenge. The film was ornated with subtitled, anyways. Then I told Robbie Carmichael to come with me. 

Crazy Steve accepted this substitute, letting Josh thereupon off the hook. Thus Josh was now going to watch with Yewka, for the better or the worse.

##  17:3  Josh Is Married

The next evening, I was confronted by Megan with shocking news: Josh and Yewka were now married, in a traditional Yewdonian ceremony. The boob had probably not even aware of thenfact that he was participating in a wedding ceremony according to Yewdonian law.

This fact was of course a catastrophe, especuially for Mindy. It would have broken her heart for good.

Josh tried to get away from it, but the Yewdonian embassy denied any possibility. He even informed his idol Opera Windfree, but she had not yet answered.

For me it was obvious that yewka just abused Josh in order to be allowed to stay in the United States, but this was not a sufficient reason for a cancellation of the marriage.

I did not hesitate contacting future lawyer Claire Sawyer, as our last straw.

##  17:4  Invalid

Claire calmed me and Megan pretty fast: The wedding was of no validity according to US law.

A tourist’s visum was not enough for a visiting foreigner to enter a valid wedding ceremony. A special wedding visum would have been necessary.

Josh would have had to fill in a request for such a visum months ago, and of course with the consent of his father. But nothing like that had ever happened. More precisely, Walter Nichols was not even aware of the whole unholy wedding.

There was now the problem that the Yewdonian embassy was not willing to cancel the marriage. But it was of no relevance for American civil law, and if Yewka’s family and the Yewdonian authorities tried to enforce the barbaric law of their homelands, the government of the United States would have seen itself forced to protect the interest of its citizens and cancel any diplomatic relationships with Yewdonia, eventually storming the embassy and declaring war on Yewdonia.

I already saw the air force rising, commanded by admiral Stephen Shay senior, and obliterate the obnoxious intruders.

Josh Nichols was a free citizen of a free country, and he would not bow to the archaic laws of some far away state.

#  Chapter 18  Yes!

##  18:1  Consequences For Relationships With Yewdonia

Mindy had finally believed that the whole wedding stuff was nothing but an accident. 

And while Yewka and her deprecable parents, if they were — which I had already started to doubt a bit earlier — her parents indeed, did not get busted as Russian spies, they were at least punished for their attempted abuse of a tourist visum, and they would never be allowed to enter American soil again. Likewise, the ambassador of Yewka in Washington DC was withdrawn from his office and replaced with a new one. This was apparently the only way for the eastern European state to save itself from more severe international penalties. But I believed that this reaction was insufficient. What difference did a new embassy really make, after all? Claire suggested to sue for a due restitution for the mental pains Josh had gone through by means of the Yewdonian embassy agent **Bremel** ,18:1 who performed those illegal weddings on the behalf of the Yewdonian embassy. The creep was now banned from the United States as well, but there might have been other filthy bastards of the same kind dwelling elsewhere on the American soil.

##  18:2  Another Science Fair Ahead

The next science fair was around the corner. This time, Mindy wanted to punish and humiliate Josh as much as possible, because he had tried to make out with that low-life lass from Yewdonia.

Once more, Josh would try to win the science fair with a big magnet, able to lift heavy objects. Mindy wanted to beat him in his own area, and build a smaller yet more powerful magnet.

I yawned heartily. “Isn’t that a bit boring?”

Mindy glared at me. “Yes, it is, but it will hurt Josh more for ignoring … er for trying to beat me.”

She really wanted to say that Josh had ignored her feelings, mainly due to Drake, for several years already. But she still did not want to talk about it.

I panted heavily. “So, you like magnetis, too, but can’t you be more original than Josh, and come up with something funny with magnetism? I have heard that at the Minnesotan science fair, a **Shane Diamond**18:2 and **Logan Mitchel** have built a magnetostatic multipulse flux generator. That was totally interesting, and people from all over the country put pictures of it onto their web sites. You can certainly do something similar.”

Mindy glared aghast. But she was not able to contradict, and so she thought about her own version of a weird apparatu suited fro teh above purpose.

##  18:3  Fun With Magnetism

I had snuck into the science fair for a project I was working on with Robbie Carmichael, who had been of little help, anyways. We were studying human reflexes to external influences after some sleep withdrawal, an idea borrowed from aforemetioned Quinn Pensky.18:3 This way, I was able to watch Mindy in her quest of opunishing Josh for his misdeeds of flirting with eastern Eurpean hookers.

The judges were ready to go through the demonstrations.

My booth, like all elementary school projects, was assessed pretty early in the game. I filled Robbie’s pants with ice cubes and measured the noise of his scream. It was about one third above the level of his squeals when he was fully rested. Then I tested his reactions to noise, using a horn borrowed from Megan. The results were similar. But this was maybe not convincing enough to win the fair. Yet this was not my purpose for being here.

Josh taunted Mindy as usual, and that was plain disgusting. Then he turned his magnet on. It ws able to attract one can of some softdrink. He boasted mercilessly with that result.

I walked over to Josh. “This was as lame as your salsa!” 

Megan and I had recently beaten him in a salsa contst. He used his stupid red salsa recipe with lame spices that everyone her knew. I used a recipe for green salsa known as tapenade,18:4 containing squished garlic, capers, and olives, and combined it with Megan’s recipe containing jalapeno and red onions.

And then Mindy explained her magnetothermodynamic multipulse flux regenerator. “OK, Josh, would you please step with one foot into bucket with vinegar? And then press your tongue against the pad.”

Josh shrugged. “OK, it won’t work anyways.” Mindy pulled the lever, making him twitch and dance like a monkey. At the same time, his hair stood aloft like a hedgehog’s quills.

The whole audience laughed like a pack of hyenas.

The judges applauded Mindy. “That is real fun with magnetism. I think we have got a winner.”

Josh stomped his feet. “Lost again! But one day!”

Mindy grinned. “Never!”

Josh growled: “Hey! I am allergic to vinegar!” His feet had turned a shade of deepest crimson, and they burned like the fires from the bottom of the hell.

##  18:4  Love, Not Just Date

Finally, Mindy understood she had tortured Josh enough. “I will ask Josh for a date, OK? We have recently been assigned project partners for history.”

I panted heavily. This sounded like a big step ahead, but was it really what she needed? “Mindy, you have been in love with Josh for almost two years already. Don’t you think that jus dating is what you want?”

Mindy gasped. “What do you mean?”

I told her that I had seen it from her reactions to Josh during the last months. “You have been madly in love with him since my arrival in San Diego.”

Mindy stammered and trembled. “Yes, sure, but …”

##  18:5  Promise Rings

Megan was watching the situation when Mindy appeared at Josh’s house in order to fess up. She talked to me by the way of her mobile telephone.

Mindy told Josh” “I have chosen the war betwee Spain and Norway for our project.”

Megan and I wondered what war she was talking about, but we finally agreed that she had probably been insinuating the Normands’ warfare on the Iberian peninsula, which was ruled back then by the Moors.

Josh was still not convinced that it was the right thing to work together with the one who had tormented him for years. “But OK, as you say …”

Mindy showed him the books she had borrowed for that topic. “But before anything else, take a look at this!” She showed him a box containing two rings. But the little container was still close, and thuse Josh was not able to see it.

The bigheaded dork opened the box slowly, thinking that it contained some ballpen or some similar little gift. But then he noticed the rings.

Mindy explained that she had been in love with him for two years already.

Josh was consternated. Instead of answering, he twitched wildly, and then his system broke down, making him collapse.

Megan walked in. “I take it … that was one big _yes_.” She started attempts of reanimation, but then decided to call Doctor Glazer. “His syringes will sure help!”

Mindy shrugged. “Maybe?” She sighed. “OK, I have waited for two years, now I can’t expect him to be able to answer on site.”

Megan nodded solemnly. “But he should have seen it coming, If a girl torments a guy this way, you know — or so they say …” She shrugged. “But Drake had always had that bad influence on him.”

Mindy sighed. “He is gone, but not really out of reach.”

Megan nodded solemnly. “He will be here for several weeks during summer.” She moaned for disgust, although she could not really deny that she started missing him, anyways.

#  Chapter 19  Critical Situations

##  19:1  Walter Gets A New Job

Walter Nichols had always been working as a weather reporter for San Diego TV. In this position, he had not earned enough to maintain the residence of the Parkers and Nichols appropriately. According to my calculations, the family would have been forced to sell the whole spelunc after ten years. In order to earn more, he needed to apply for jobs withing bigger broadcasting corporations, and there were some really big ones in the metropolitan area of greater Los Angeles. Unfortunately, he tried hard to hide his interviews and negotiations with the representants of those corporations from his wife, his son, and his step-children. He wanted it to be a surprise for them, and he did not want them to worry about the financial problems they were necessarily doomed to run into, should they try to keep their large residence without a substantially bigger salary. The best paid weather reporter of California was nowadays aforementioned Bruce Windchill, and Walter Nichols was hell-bent on stepping up to him. His family had already started losing respect for Walter, because he was in any sense inferior to Bruce.

The consequence was that Walter had to meet in secret certain representants from those broadcasting corporations. One of them was a woman, and when Josh accidentally noticed that, he believed that his father was about to commit adulterly. He even informed Drake, who was now stuck in Los Angeles and preparing for a small tour to San Francisco and Portland. Drake instructed Josh to stalk Walter and intervene if necessary, in order to prevent the marriage between Walter and Audrey from breaking down.

Honestly, I never thought that Walter and Audrey were a gdecent couple. Megan understood the same fact, and she would have loved if she would have been able to present Audrey a proof of Walter’s adultery,. She would have suggested to burn a scarlet _A_ , for _adultery_ , onto his forehead, similar to the punishment for **Hester Prynne** in _The Scarlet Letter_ by **Nathaniel Hawthorne** , one of the greatest fiction writers throughout the history of the United States.

But I finally found out about the true reasons for Walter’s secret meetings. This was only possible because Gistavo Rocque knew the boss of the broadcasting corporation, **Jane Kennedy** ,19:1

This way, the impending disaster was stopped. Walter was now ready to sign the contract with Jane Kennedy’s broadcast company, and he was proud of becoming one of the most watched breakfast weatherfrogs ever. But he would have to move to Los Angeles for a while.

Megan and I were sure that the inept couple would soon live apart even more, and finally lead to a shipwreck of the inapproipriate family, anyways.

Ironically, Walter would now have to live in Los Angeles most of teh time. Finding apartments for a whole family was hard and expensive in the business world of the major Californian metropole, and only few people would achieve this withing a few weeks. But sooner or later, Audrey would want to join him there. So what was the old residence here in San Diego needed for, anyways? It looks like Walter’s job, if working out, would only serve the purpose of affording a smaller family apartment in Los Amgeles in exchange for the big residence here in San Diego … bear with it!

##  19:2  The Moustache

Josh Nichols had finally consented, and he was now wearing the promise ring gifted by my cousin, for everyone to see. This was going to drive many people curious and crazy, especially — as would soon be obvious — Drake Parker. Fortunately, the latter was not around for the time being.

But there was now one big problem in the relationship of those lovebirds:

Josh had grown a moustache in order to appear more cool and manly. He seems to have seen too many bad movies in Helen’s cinema. The hairy ornation annoyed the living hell out of my cousin, though. More precisely: She was allergic to some of the cosmetics used by Josh in order to make his moustache look nice. Making out with Josh would thus caused her face to burn like hell fire. This was not what she deserved.

One night, Megan simply shaved off the moustache. It was easy for her to sneak into the bedroom of Josh and to perform the grisly deed, because Drake was no longer around. He would certainly has woken up and noticed that Megan was up to something. I am not sure that Drake would have liked the moustache, either, though.

Upon waking up, Josh was totally consternated, and he refused to talk to anyone. Only after two weeks was he willing to see taht the moustache had been a bad idea in the first place, and when he finally knew about Mindy’s allergy, he refrained from letting it grow that much ever again.

##  19:3  Eye Lasering

Helen Dubois suffered from a rare condition that made her eyes itch. Dr. Glazer had finally found out about that and he had recommended her into the hands of **Dr. Birnbaum**19:2 from Los Angeles, a qualified surgeon for plastic surgery and facial corrections.

Alas, I knew who would treat her really: Quinn Pensky from Seattle, nowadays student at Pacific Coast Academy. She had got a junior license from Dr. Birnbaum, whatever that meant. But eye lasering had been one of her hobbies already in Seattle.

During Helen’s absence, someone else would obviously take care of the business in the cinema. This was going to be a critical situation for Première Theater. Josh felt up for that task, but Helen did not think that he was appropriate, and she assigned thusly Crazy Steve the necessary responsibilities.

##  19:4  The Cinema Stuffholder

Before Helen’s departure for Birnbaum’s hospital, Megan had come up with a great idea: Visitors of a cinema usually bought drinks and popcorn before going into the motion piction hall. But this was awkward, and she invented a vessel holding both drinks and snacks at the same time, much for the customer’s convenience. of course she expected people to buy those devices off her. She wanted Josh to help her with the business, but the mindless boob did not want that.

Now I was looking for other suitable business partners for Megan. Who would be most interested in financing the patent fees for such an invention? Probably those selling the softdrinks and the snacks. Most softdrinks in California was sold by **Blix**. Popcorn was generally imported from flyover states such as Kansas.

I knew that Blix was one of the main sponsors of Pacific Coast Academy, but I was not sure whether they were trustworthy. In any case, I would have let Claire Sawyer check everything over and over again before sending Megan into their fangs.

Kansas was the home state of aforementioned Nicole Bristow, and her father was a producer and vendor of juices.19:3 Mais syrup was used in order to sweeten juices, and thus the Bristow family was connected closely to the mais business. Was that the right way to look for a business partner for Megan? 

#  Chapter 20  Emergency!

##  20:1  Drake Comes To Town

Over the summer break, Drake was spending a few weeks at home. During these days, he shared a doermitory room with Joshua, just as he used to do all the time before his departure into the wide world, or at least to Palmwood Spring in Los Angeles. He was of course little pleased by the fact that Mindy and Josh were now engaged.

Mindy had told Josh that he had turned too chubby for her taste, and that he needed to do something. For that reason, the bigheaded boob decided to work out with heavy weights. Unfortunately, he was very careless, and Drake’s presence made it even a whole lot worse, leading finally to a very bad accident: One of the heavy steel weights plummeted ungracefully onto one of Joshua’s feet, breaking all of its bones into smithereens.

This was too much even for Doc Glazer Brooks to handle, and he had to sent Joshua to a nearby hospital:  
 **St. Schneider’s Hospital**.20:1 The whole family followed him to the emergency station, including Megan. The latter wondered whether she would be allowed to keep Josh’s foot if it had to be cut off. Of course she would not have done so, because it was full of boob germs. 

##  20:2  St. Schneider’s Hospital

Megan informed me upon her arrival, and I convinced Mindy to stand by her loverboy during the hard time, although she had always been afraid of hospitals. Thus the two of us joined the track and arrived finally in the court of teh hospital. Unfortunately, promise rings were not a reason for getting let through to the patient in anemergency station. We had to do something in order to distract the evil nurses and medics barring our way.

The responsible medic for Josh was one **George Carlson**.20:2 I did not trust the creep at all. he was hardly concentrating on his work. Mindy saw it the very same way. We wished that Quinn pensky would take care of Josh, because she had treated Helen in a perfect manner. Her eyes were now more than just as new: She was able to see things that she would not have seen before. Quinn had tried to imbue her with night vision, infra vision, and x-ray vision. This had only worked outyet partly, but it would improve significantly during the following years.

Now we saw that someoe else had got an idea in order to sneak to places that he would usually not have been allowed to: Drake Parker had stolen some medic’s costume, and he was now roaming the corridors of the hospital, looking for hot nurses and female intern medics. Today, Carlsen was instructing a bunch of students from the medical school of the University of California in Los Angeles, and there were certainly a few young women among them in the range of Drake’s target group.

I walked up to the rock star. “OK, now that you can get everywhere … would you take Mindy to Josh? She is hidden inside this laundry cart.”

Drake gapsed. “What? The creature? Never!”

I coughed. “Or we will tell everyone that you ain’t a medic! Bad, bad, bad!”

Drake had to give in. Mindy waved to me one last time, before the jerk pushed the cart towards Josh’s hospital room. I went back to the lounge, where I would stay in contact with Mindy by the way of some microchip invented by aforementioned Wayne Gilbert.

##  20:3  Secret Visit

Megan was still in the lounge, because she wanted to stay with me there in order to wait for news about Mindy and Josh.

The first news were not pleasant at all, because some bypassing nurses had dumped some dirty underwear intoi the laundry cart, making my cousin almost choke. Drake had got a hard time explaining what the noises were.

Finally, the cart had reached Josh’s room. The bigheaded dweeb was not happy about Drake’s disguise, but his mood improved significantly when Mindy’s head emerged visibly from the stinky undergarments.

But then Dr. Carlsen entered the room, and Mindy had to disappear once more in the depth of a sea of smelly laundry. Of course he wondered about his new colleague, whom he had not yet seen in this hospital.

Drake declared to be just an auxiliary something.

And there was indeed some new medic to arrive during the following hours: **Dr. Nussbaum**20:3 from Kansas.

The medic was unbeknownst to me, but I had heard of the Nussbaum clan as one of the greatest mais farmers and vendors from the flyover states. Most of the corn syrup sused in California was produced by this family, and thus he had probably also connections to the Bristow family.

Carlson mentioned that Dr. Nussbaum was a prodigy that had graduated from Harvard Medical School at the age of thirteen.

I knew now that I needed to find that young medic in order to initiate the biggest business since the invention of popcorn: The marketing of Megan’s perfect stuffholder.

But now there was more trouble ahead: Carlson wanted Drake alias Nussbaum to perform a difficult surgery. “Oh, this is waste laundry, it will go to the shredder!”

This was of course bad news, for Mindy needed to find a way out of the cart before it would have been too late. In addition, Drake would be i even worse trouble if he maintained his false identity to the point of starting to perform surgical acts, or to delay the performance of necessary surgical actions by coming up with more and more excuses.

Megan grabbed my wrists. “OK, let’s play a little trick on the inept medics!” We disappeared inside some janitor’s closet.

##  20:4  Paging Dr. Nussbaum

I feigned being sick, and I dropped to the floor.

Megan ran away, like in panic. “Emergency! Dr. Nussbaum to room 666! A tween boy has collapsed unconscious. Nussbaum is the only one knowing his medical records!”

Little later, Drake appeared in the closet, and I told him to give up on the play. At the same time, Megan was on a mission to save Mindy. Once more, the good old trick of calling seemingly unconscious worked. This distracted the whole hospital staff for a few seconds, enough to make Mindy climb out of the rolling basket for waste garments.

##  20:5  The Real Nussbaum

Finally, the real Dr. Nussbaum showed up and greeted his colleagues. But now Drake was already out of teh sight of Carlson and his henchmen. He would have been deemed crazy for mistaking Drake, of whom there was no trace of an existence, for his oh-so-appreciated colleague.

The patient was doing well, for Quinn pensky had also arrived in the meantime and taken care of her, which Carlson and his team were obviously not able to. Now she would take care of Josh as well, while Carlson was still talking gibberish about some fake Nussbaum.

Unfortunately, we did not yet have an opportunity to talk to the true Nussbaum about a business involving popcorn and Megan’s stuffholders.

#  Chapter 21  Virtual Worlds

##  21:1  Power Failure At Pacific Coast Academy

Wendy told us about a truly amazing incident that had occurred at the beginning of the new academic year in Malibu.

>   
>  That one spoiled jerk, Logan Reese, installed some new entertainment factory into the lounge of his dormitory hall.21:1 It contained a new video game console, a so-called games sphere.
> 
> Anyways, the huge amount of participants using those power-devouring devices at the same time for several hourse straight had caused the system to break down like a puppy charged with a sack of plumb.
> 
> Most of it was the work of that Dustin Brooks, the little sister of Zoey. He played the new video game, and he had almost made it to level 100 when the power failure struck hard. he is now in some excessively stinky mood.
> 
> The whole campus was as dark as eternal obscurity, for several hours straight.

Said Dustin had once tried to flirt with Wendy.

She was still hankering after Drake, and thus she had only laughed about Dustin like a hyena.

This incident striking the campus of that most renowned and elitarian boarding school inspired my cousin into some terrible plan of revenge against all the passionate fangirls of Drake Parker residing at Pacific Coast Academy:

>   
>  The power flailure proves that the power supplies if Pacific Coast Academy are largely insufficiant.
> 
> I have already worked on some universal power convert makin g it possible to produce the required power for ten dormitory halls filled with video game devices and boom boxes.
> 
> Once the system is complete, I will trick the administration of Pacific Coast Academy into letting me deploy it over there.
> 
> And then a little power throw … boom!
> 
> That would teach Zoë Brooks, the fanbitch of Drake Parker, and her mindless followers.
> 
> Likewise, it will make that wannabe Noble Prize winner named Quinn Pensky know who is the really gifted science freak girl.

To understand this better, you need to knopw that Quinn had been preferred over Mindy in the state science fair of last year.

This was of course not a nice plan. And Mindy was not careless enough to tell me plainly that this was her intention. Only during the following months wiould I see that it was the case, although I was always suspicious. Mindy was hardly to forgive Zoë Brooks.

##  21:2  Game Sphere Games And The Interweb

Josh was addicted to those devices.21:2 Over a year ago, he had bet with Drake that he was able to get away from his obsession, and he had failed miserably, but so had Drake, who had bet in turn that he was able to let his fingers from all those dirty snacks. Both of them had failed miserably, so bear with it! There was simply no way to dissuade Josh Nichols from playing dumb video games, such as the one that Dustin Brooks had faild to complete.

And now the boob with the oversized head dared to claim that he was able to beat Dustin in such a game. His fingers were itching terribly.

I had recently started thinking about adding some segment for online games to _Nevelocity_. I would have restricted it to text adventure online games, but the tunting activities between Dustin and Josh inspired me into adding even video games that were more and more popular in their online version. This was already the case for classic _PacRat_.21:3

A little research showed me that Dustin’s gamesphere game was available by the way of the interweb as well. Wayne Gilbert had to help me to find it. He had already been the one to install the whole entertainment centre on Logan reese’s behalf.

The idea was now simple: Organise a remote duel between Dustin Brooks and Joshua Nichols, and interview the winner, for the opener of the new video game section of _Nevelocity_!

##  21:3  The Showdown

Wayne Gilbert and Eric Blonowitz had prepared everything in order to make the remote duel not only possible, but to allow me to film a synopsis of it, and to post it onto _Nevelocity_.

Josh was now sitting in his residence, ready to strike hard.

Megan commented, “so, whom do you think will win? A sixteen year old boob with an oversized head, or an elegant bouy of ten years? Place your bets, and win an original **Penny T-Shirt** designed by Miss Zoë Brooks!21:4

The countdown was running, and the duel was finally on.

Josh beamed like a light bulb, and he hammered the keys of his wireless game sphere with a hitherto unbeknownst elegance.

At the same time, Megan called Wendy, who was watching Dustin nervously on the other end. 

The number one fangirl of Drake was still hell bent on punishing Dustin for daring to compete with Drake: She kept on giggling about his performance, no matter how good it was. This way, she turned him more and m ore nervous.

But Megan tried to increase the pressure on Josh by the way of reminding him of the failed weather forecast. “The suspense increases, and so does the pressure … high pressure …” But Josh was no longer that easy to distract.

I interrupted for an interesting announce. “Sasha Striker has assured to assist the new video game sectioon of _Nevelocoity_!”

**Sasha Striker**21:5 was one of the leading video gamers in the world. She was still holding the record for PacRats, but nobody had heard of her in several years. I seems that her absence from the scene had come to an end, down to nevelocity’s section for video games.

Mindy threatened Josh: “If you edare to even look at that lass …” He ywitched like an idiot, and this made him drop the remote control for his game sphere. But I still believe Dustin would have won anyways: he broke the old record, inspite of Wendy’s rude comments.

Josh threw his remote controlling device across the room. “Crap game!”

So now I had to prepare an interview with Dustin Brooks for the opening event of the segment of my web site for online video games.

But did this mean that Joshua Nichols was now cured from his addiction to insane video games?

Hell no, he was just trying to beat other ones that Dustin had not yet heard of, and on and on and on it went.

#  Chapter 22  Teachers of Tomorrow Today

##  22:1  Student Teaching

Joshua Nichols was hell bent on becoming a teacher fopr science at elementary and middle schools. Unfortunately, he was perverse enough to expect that all kids should be able to learn college level chemistry already at the age of ten.

And now there was some sort of a student teaching programs at the southern Californian disctrict schools: **Teachers Of Tomorrow Today**. Little wonder, Josh had participated in this stupid program, and he was now up to feigning to be able to teach us something of value.

##  22:2  Terrible Surprise

Mrs. Hunter, our homeroo teacher even for this academic year, and our last at elementary school, introduced Josh as our new teacher. We had not been informed beforehand, and now wer were stuck in the middle of the ugly mess.

Megan would not have wanted anyone to know that Josh was her evil step-brother, but the creep had even got the disgusting guts to say that he was her brother.

And Josh did not hesitate distributing college level books, claiming that we kids would certainly be able to learn more than the board thinks.

Most of the students of our class now started to hate Megan. Of course I would stick up for her, but that would not help too much.

##  22:3  Popup Quiz

The homework commanded by Josh was impossible for us. Well, Megan and I could have achieved it together, but we did not want to be like strike breakers.

Josh made a monkey of himself by showing up, dressed as Albert Einstein. He asked us who he was.

Most kids thought of him as a hobo.

Of course I erecognised the scientist olf the good old times, but I also knew that Josh’s masque was a poor copy. I had seen many pictures of the genius in Mindy’s rooms, and she even had got one in her locker box.

I stood up and replied: “You are Albert Einstein, but he at least tried to look appropriate, and not like a hobo!”

Josh was now in a really stinky mood. He commanded a popup quiz for all of us.

I simply filled the sheet with sarcastic comments about Josh. But this would not help us any further.

##  22:4  Yet Another Baby Shark Attack

After classes, I wondered whether there were legal ways to stop Joshua Nichols. Ad just as usual, this implied getting no other but Claire sawyer, the future lawyer from Santa Clara, involved in the whole business. To be precise, I had already contacted her before the obnoxious popup quiz, but now it was more and more of an emergency.

The hatred of the kids towards Megan had increased, especially by Cassandra Baldwin. The latter was going through a divorce of her parents. Her new step-father did not want kids, and thus he was up to sending Sandy and her elder sister **Tracy Baldwin**22:1 away to Pacific Coast Academy, anyways. Sandy was now even up to uninviting Megan from her birthday party. It would have helped little to boycott the birthday party in turn.

The mini shark from Santa Clarita had not wasted much time, and she showed up at Belleview in the company of a certain **Vanessa Wahl** ,22:2 the superintended of San Diego’s didtrict schools.

It turned out that our school’s administration had committed several grave mistakes. 

First, student teachers were not allow to issue any popup quizzes or other tests serving for grading the students, except if carefully orchestrated with a responsible full term teacher.

Second, grading close kinsmen, including little step-sisters, was not allowed for any teachers., regardless of their status and experience. In this case, an acknowledged teacher would have been needed in order to countercheck this.

Third, student teachers were required to stick to the curricular plans issued for the current academic year by the school district. Those did not prescribe anything like advanced molecular chemistry for elementary school kids.

Mrs. Wahl announced that Josh’s job as a student teacher was now cancelled. In addition, it was so obvious that the school administration and Mrs. Hunter had obviously tolerated illegal practices not only in the case of Josh Nichols, but they had not even checked the elelmentary rules for student teaching.

In other words, severe punishments were ahead. For now, Principal Nuss was suspended, and Mrs. Wahl would take over his business until the determination of a competent principal by the executive committee of the school board.

##  22:5  Quo Vadis, Belleview?

The results of the investigations performed by Vanassa Wahl were devastating. There had been ongoing mistakes by the school’s adminsitration during the last decade.

The centre of the inflict was aforementioned Mrs. Hayfer, the meanest of all teachers at Californian district schools, whose irregularities exceded any hitherto beknownst measure.

Unfortunately, Mrs. Wahl was not immediately able to get the most perverse of all teachers deported to Siberia for her misdeeds.

But I knew that Belleview’s measure of sins had been full, already long ago, and that the time of dystopia for the school was just around the corner. With some luck, the school would run oout of service already by the end of the running academic year. And nobody knew where we would wind up in that case.

##  22:6  Neil For The Big Stage

Megan was lucky to get invited again to Sandy’s birthday party. But it was only little of a consolation.

At the same time, Josh was in a stinky mood, because he had not only not been invited to some internal party of Helen’s Première Theater, but he had not even been informed aout it. Neil Farrell was one big winner of the situation. He had always annoyed me with his attempts of using pens as drum sticks, and he wanted to join Drake Parker and his band to the great tour. There was a concert of that band just around the corner, right here in San Diego at Helen’s Première Theatre. And Neil wanted to be right there, with a backstage pass, in order to ask Drake and Gustavo for a chance. But with bad marks, he would not have been allowed to attend this concert at all. Now there was nothing left to stop him.

#  Chapter 23  Zebra Stripes

##  23:1  Megan’s Striped Horse

A bit ago, Megan had ordered first a sheep and then a zebra from the interweb.23:1 Of course she was not alloweed to keep them in the house, but she did not matter, and she had beguiled Josh into taking care of it on her behalf. And Josh was such an inept idiot when it came down to hiding the sheep named Bawb.

Megan had made the bigheaded boob believe that those white stripes adorning pedestrians’ crossings were teaken from zebras.

The excruciatingly foolish dweeb believed Megan’s trickery with hook, line, and sinker. He went downtown in order to try to sell the stripes of the wild equine beast to old ladies trying to cross the street, in order to make it easier for them. But he did not start much of a profitable business by the way of these offers: Quite the contrary, he got beaten up by some old grandmother with her crutch stick, and even poked where it hurt him most. In the end, he got caught by the same officer that had already arrested him after the illegal deal with stolen barbecue sets. As you expect, Audrey was little pleased when seeing Josh dragged home by some angry policeman, followed by the striped horse.

But whatever, it was impossible for Megan Parker to keep the zebra where it was, and she needed to find a place to host it.

One of her former friends, Denise Woods,23:2 had got a horse, and it was stationed nowadays at the ranch of Faye Dunnaway23:3 in Malibu, not too far from the gates of Pacific Coast Academy.

We decided that this ranch was also the optimal place for the zebra to stay, as horses and zebras were very close relatives.

##  23:2  The Ranch Of Faye Dunnaway

Now we were bound in a small truck for Faye’s horse ranch. Doctor Glazer Brooks was driving the long vehicle. He was officially not a veterinary medic, but he had nevertheless taken care of Bawb and the hitherto nameless zebra.

Now I remembered that Quinn Pensky had got a pet alpaca named Otis, and that she had to leave it behind in the outskirts of the Emerald City, because pets were not allowed at Pacific Coast Academies, and because it was impossible to hide a beast of that size, as opposed to her many small pets which could hide easily undreneath the bunk beds or in a corner of their closets. I was sure that Quinn would sooner or later have to miss her Alpaca badly, and vice versa. Otis was a very rare and valuable example of a Peruvian alpaca, able to digest, as one of very few mamals, the pods of the rare Peruvian puff peppers without suffering from kidney damage or tattered lips.23:4

It was not hard for anyone to see that the ranch of Faye Dunnaway, if suitable for a zebra, would also be ready for hosting a noble alpaca such as Otis, and then Quinn would have been able to visit her furry friend fairly often. For why it was hard for students at Pacific Coast Academy to get a pass to leave the campus in the middle of an academic term without a good reason, there were exceptions on weekends, as long as a responsible adult was ready to accompany them. 

Faye had already expected us. I told her about Otos, but she wanted to show us around the ranch and to the new stable for the zebra before anything else.

This place was impressive, and there were already many hoved mammals roaming the wide pastry, which made me think of the days of the wide frontier, as described appropriately in the works of **Fenimore Cooper** , one of the pioneers of American literature. 

The most moble and impressive stallion of the whol ranch was one Winchester,23:5 He seemed to be randomly obsessed with people, according to the reports made by Faye Duunnaway.

But that was really interesting: Was that a talking pony?23:6 It turned out that only me and Megan were able to here the voices of the equine beast, and they sounded like a warning. According to Faye, the pony belonged to some superstar that had worked until recently for Rocque Records. This did not help us any further. And now it was time to contact Quinn.

##  23:3  Otis Comes To Malibu

Unfortunately, the geek queen of Seattle had long since forgotten about her favourit four-legged pet, at least since the last summer break. But now that we had mentioned it, she started sobbing bitterly for having done so. Fortunately, she liked the idea of stationing Otis at a nearby ranch, although this costed quite a few bucks.

Then she informed her parents in Seattle, and also **Venia Lang** ,23:7 the veterinary medic responsible for Otis. Not much surprising for me and Mgean was the result of Lang’s health check on Otis: The beast was going through depressions because of Quinn’s absence from Seattle. From this point onward, it was so obvious that there was no better choice than moving the alpaca to the ranch in Malibu, no matter what the price was.

##  23:4  Stable Relationship

The wooly beast had been transported all the way down from Seattle in a long vehicle. Quinn pensky had organised many a detail. It had been necessary to provide Otis with enough water and hay of Peruvian pampas grass, but also the humidity, temperature, and the aire pressure in the transport box had to assimiliate the natural conditions in the southern american grasslands.

Venia Lang had accompanied Otis, and she was now glad when she finally dropped it in its new stable. Quinn was not around, but they had installed a chat camera. She would go and see her furry pet just a few hours later, though.

Doc Glazer joined Doc Lang. He had been hired by Faye Dunnaway in order to control the helth of Otis once more, before letting it share a stable with Megan’s zebra. The two of them had forgotten that there were hidden cameras installed. If two people make out in a housing for horses, does that count as a stable relationship?

And the camera would not go away, because Quinn wanted to be able to inspect Otis as closely as only possible by this way.

This was very bad for Walter Nichols. The creep was thus caught by Quinn’s camera committing extreme perversities in the hay with Coco Wexler, the chubby and messy dormitory adviser of the girls at Pacific Coast Academy. Those disgusting actions involved canned ravioli smeared all over the face. Making it worse, the ugly scenes made it even to the interweb, even for someone as sadistic as Audrey Parker to see. In other words, the marriage was finally going down that long-deserved drain. but Audrey was already hankering those days after cinema wight Gavin Mitchell, anyways.

#  Chapter 24  Welcome To PCA!

##  24:1  School Scandals

The impending termination of the existence of Belleview was more and more obvious. Mrs. Wahl had now pronounced it officially, for anyone that had still believed in the possibility of some happy end.

But was it really on;y Belleview that was corrupt? Mrs. Wahl claimed so, but Megan and I feared that the executive board was simply overburdened and unable to control the situation.

There were similar cases at other schools in southern California, aand those hinted towards the fact that discords on various levels of school admonistration were both common for Californian district schools and catastrophic for many students and their families.

For example, Claire Sawyer’s James K. Polk was caught in a scandal caused by their decadent school coordinator Hal E. Burton,24:1 who had abused the funds of the school in order to upgrade his private residence with more luxury. The scandal was discovered by **Ficus Monroe** ,24:2 teacher for tailoring, life science, and counsellor of the school newspaper for said school. He had assumed the pseudonym _Dhadowwolf_ for this very task.

The biggest scandal would occur one year later at the middle school of Cedar Valley in middle California, not far from Yosemite Park. Principal **Sheila Voss**24:3 would be involved in a local envrionemental scandal of the most perverted sort. Fortunately, a valiant student named **Nolan Bird** , using the pseudonym **Shredderman** , would discover the fraud and used the interweb in order to publish the truth, saving not only his school, but the whole community from severe future health problems.

Unfortunately, there was no such thing as a Shredderman or a Shadowwolf for Belleview. There was a school newspaper, indeed, but this was but a cheap farce. Joshua Nichols had once worked for the same tabloid journal, using a female pseudonym. When Drake had found out, he had blackmailed him into helping him to date a certain girl.24:4

For that reason, it was necessary to look for some reinforcement from outside, and we did not have to look far: Kelly Peckingpaw from Pacific Bluff was willing to cover our story in the _San Diego Messenger_. Better late than never!

In order to back up heroes like Kelly Peckingpaw and Nolan Byrd, I added another segnent to _Nevelocity_ , dedicated especially to sites about school scandals throughout the country.

##  24:2  The School Of Choice

With that sticky situation, many of us kids, and even more our parents and guardians, thought about a suitable school for the next year, before the systen assigned one. The trust in our local disctrict schools had sunk rigorously, and thus many of us were up for migrating.

Due to my collaboration — in some sense – with students from Pacific Coast Academy, this appeared to be my choice. But Richard Crenshaw, although convinced of the fact that this was a great institution for education, needed to check it out more closely. 

For Mindy, this looked like a perfect occasion for making Zoë Brooks and her friends paying dearly for their misdeed of supporting Drake Parker. Thus she was all happy about the idea to move on to the deamy school near the sandy beach of Malibu.

##  24:3  Visitors’ Day

Once each year, there was an event on the campus of Pacific Coast Academy to which potential future students and their parents and caretakers were invited in order to check out the facilities of this school on site.

The kids were even allowed to spend a night in the dormitory halls, if there were enough resident students ready to share the dorm with them. Mats, hammocks, and bean bags were required.

The most interesting part was the possibility to ask the established students some questions about life at Pacific Coast Academy. A smallc group of students of each of the three segments, videlicet: elementary school, middle school, and high school.

Megan and I were now on our way across the campus. Of course, Megan already knew a bit of her way around, because she had visited Ashley Blake and Wendy Gellar right here. But the guides were also cool, including aforementioned Dustin Brooks, the master of the game sphere.

We heard that there was also a web show going on on the campus: The _Chase And Michael Show_ was run by Zoey’s friends **Chase Matthews** and **Michael Barret**. But according to most pupils, the show was lame. Chase and Michael must have been terrible boobs, although nothing beat Drake and Josh. Chase and Michael made lame cartoons and even lamer skits. At some point, they had featured some disputes between Zoë Brooks and Logan Reese, but those had been censored by the school administration because they caused too much terror on the campus.

Tracy Baldwin, now new at Pacific Coast Academy, had become a close friend of Zoë Brooks, because she had seen Zoey argue Logan in the web session, and she took the same side. She hated Logan Reese, the disgusting jerk, rigorously at any cost. The two of them had even tied to couple Sandy and Dustin, because Zoey feared that her brother was about to learn too much from Logan Reese, especially his inappropriate style of treating women.24:5

Dustin had been stuck in a real swamp. Just in order to displease his elder sister, he had been dating an evil bitch named Trisha Kirby,24:6 who had been a student at Pacific Coast Academy for a few weeks only, because Zoë Brooks had got her booted mercilessly for her abominable misdemeanour.

These and many other things I would have to face as a future student at this most illustrious boarding school.

Alas, the kids here would not appreciate my stern criticism of _The Chase And Michael Show_ , but for some it sounded justified, anyways. That’s just life, be it at Zoë’s elitarian prep school or elsewhere.

##  24:4  The Grisly Past Of Locker 239

Said Trisha Kirby alias Samantha Puckett was also the key to the ominous past of my locker, number _239_ / 

More precisely, thirty years ago, Samantha’s uncle Carmine Puckett had used locker _239_ in order to hide not just stolen goods such as Gary Coleman’s barbecue sets, but even a corpse: the corpse of his headmaster, whom he had slain during detention. This grisly fact had spread all over the Pacific coast, from Vancouver to San Diego. Ever since, many schools in the states of Washington, Oregon, and California seemed to have been reluctant assigning that locker number. Nobody seemed to know why, and a lot of false legends had come into being, such as the locker being subject to a fabrication fault.

But now you wonder how I found out about the grisly secret? Really, I had to put pieces and bits together, using some appropriate glue. Trisha alias Samantha had talked to Dustin about it when they had been dating and committing godawful perversities. And while guiding us across the campus, Dustin slipped on and off into telling fragments about Samantha’s evil confessions. He was not aware of what he had stumbled upon, though, and I did not want to bother the poor little lad with these unusually macabre facts.

I was sure that Pacific Coast Academy was the one crossing point of many stories that were travelling the world of American middle and high schools. The time was now ripe for major revelations.

#  Chapter 25  Killer Robots

##  25:1  The War Robot League

In California, there was some sort of a competition for robot wars. Little remotely controlled droids, whose size was limited by strict rules, were built by the emberes of the participating teams, and then they were made to fight each other until the ultimate destruction.

Many schools in these parts of the world had got their own robot teams, usually some electronic freaks. There were now a bit over a dozen of them, but most of them seemed to be just cannon fodder, thus it was little wonder that a few of them had already withdrawn during the season. The squads fought each other first in a round robin league, and then the final four of them participated in the playoffs. After each match, the teams still in the contest were allowed not only to repair, but also to improve and to upgrade their killer machines.

Often enough, teams were interested in not showing prematurely what they had got, because in this case, it would be too easy for the following opponents to tune their own droids in a way that made them suoerior to that one particular opponent. The limitations of size and weight made it impossible to build one machine that was superior to other legal robots in any sense of the word. Each machine had its own strengths and weaknesses, and it was better not to let the opponents know yours.

##  25:2  The Blonowitzer

At Belleview, Eric Blonowitz and Craig Ramirez had been the first to build robots, but Eric was a pacifist, and thus he was not willing to use robots for destructive purposes, even if it was only robot versus robot, for it was impossible to tell that they would neve be used in order to destroy real targets with catastrophic consequences for random civilians.

Mindy Crenshaw, on the other hand, did not have any qualms. In addition, she had got one big goal: Destroying the Drake fangirls at Pacific Coast Academy! And she was still hell bent on doing Everything in order to make that dream come true. This was of course not a nice goal, and neither Josh Nichols nor Eric Blonowitz and Crain Ramirez would have approved of it. Mindy assumed that Quinn Pensky was able to build a battle droid, and Quinn was a friend of Mindy’s arch foe Zoë Brooks. Thus she wanted to destroy not only Quinn’s dirty little robot, but also the pride of her friends. With some luck, she would even be made to appear on the campus of Pacific Coast Academy for a robot duel, whereupon she would have the unique opportunity to wreak more havoc with her killer robots going accidentally — or so she would make everyone believe — astray and devastate everything with a series of little explosions.

Certainly, Mindy would have been able to build even a rocket on her own. I, even I, Nevel Amadeus papperman, as her favourite little cousin, swear that she was smart enough, and that she was able to find the contacts allowing her to hoard the necessary materials within an appropriate range of time. The main source was a certain **Cal Meacham** ,25:1 a student at renowned **Californian Institute For Technology** in pasadena in the outskirts of Los Angele.

But she needed the approval of Eric Blonowitz, the captain of Belleview’s still existing technology club, in order to be able to represent Belleview officially. In addition, some assistance with the test series was always welcome, as Josh, Craig, and Eric would be able to see some weaknesses that escaped her sight.

Thus Mindy was forced to negotiate, and she did this by offering Craig and Eric to name the device on Eric’s behalf: The Blonowitzer.

##  25:3  The Opponents

The hardest opponents were expected to be from James K. Polk in Santa Clarita, alias the school of Claire Sawyer, and — of course — that of Pacific Coast Academy.

The combat robot of the school from Santa Clarita was known as the **Worminator**. It was named for one of its constructors: **Albert Wormenheimer** , an ultra-nerd with thick and dark-framed glasses that hinted in a straightforward manner at his superior intelligence. But the true captain of the team was one **Simon Nelson Cook** , an afro-american geek boy who was easily mistaken for a cyborg — even by himself.

Another member of the team was one **Evelyn Kwong** , and aggressive nerg girl of Chinese origins. She was in a stinky mood for being always the runner up to Simon Cook. This reminded me fatally of Josh and Mindy.

The last member of their team was **Lance Widget**.25:2 He was not only aggressive, but he was even sometimes mistaken for a bully.

Now it is time to talk about the team of Pacific Coast Academy. I had supposed Quinn and Fire Wire alias Wayne Gilbert to run the team, but there had been troubles. Wayne and his best pals had excluded Quinn from the school’s science club, using the lie that girls were not suited for science. Of course I knew that this was nonsense, and Wayne knew it too. The real reason for excluding Quinn was the fact that Wayne was hoarding grapic superhero novels in the headquarters of the school’s science club, such as the works by _DC_ and _Marvel_. The same was valid for role playing game equipment, and outfits for costumed plays in that fantasy sector. Thus only Wayne Gilbert and his pals represented the team of the **stingrays** , as the people of Pacific Coast Academy dared to call themselves.

There had even been an internal challenge on the campus. Zoë had to talk Quinn into it, and even that had turned out badly, as perverse bastard Logan Reese had insulted Quinn during the middle of her work. Quinn had then taken over the challnge on her own, and she had destroyed Wayne’s robot with a much smaller one. The advantage of Quinn’s construct had been the availability of fast-firing remote weapons, which were absent in Wayne’s much too large robot: A deadly laser beam disabled the firewired droid on site. Too bad Quinn and Zoë have ever since forgiven Logan Reese, for the filthy creep should not have been forgiven, neither in this life nor in any other. By vcommittingb that misdeed, Quinn had charged her soul with an evil curse she would have to bear for decades to come.

Wayne Gilbert had learned implicitly the usage of laser weapons by watching Quinn’s robot destroy his own, and within a few weeks, he had started to intregrate this technology into his own killer machine.

##  25:4  The Finals

Aforementioned Cal Meacham was not only someone provioding the kids with useful scientific and technological equipment, he had also been the first winner of the warrior Robot Cup, and now he was the unpire in the deadly final match.

Mindy operated the powerful Blonowitzer, featuring an improved and upgraded hyperbolic photon cannon.25:3 Joshua was watching, but he only made a few totally stupid comments, effectively hindering Melinda’s efforts. Finally, he was made shut up by Megan, and you don’t need to know how.

Our semifinal match was versus James K. Polk, and it was a really tough match. Beams were flying all over the arena, but both robots were apparently protected, and they reflected the photon rays like nobody’s business. Some of the viewers i the ranks even feared for their lives.

Finally, the robot from Santa Clarita blew itself up. Cookie, the operator, looked coonsternated. “What was that?” He saw his pal Albert ormenheimer shrug helplessly.

Evelyn Kwong growled: “I told you already that the central processor unit is overheating upon the heavy charge of such a duel.”

Cookie had thus obviously ignored her warnings, and now he went totally pale, because he expected now to become the laughingstock of James K. Polk.

Evelyn cried: “I will take the mistake upon me, but under one condition.”

Cookie wondered, “what condition?”

Evelyn grabbed his wrists. “Kiss me, you dork!” She pulled himm closer. Later on, everyone would think that Evelyn had distracted him during the combat and thus causing the defeat of the team.

But, whatever the reason, Mindy passed to the final match against Wayne Gilbert’s combat machine. Cal Meacham counted the seconds: “Five … four … three … two!”

Once more, beams were flying like crazy. Mindy had tried to regulate her photo cannon in the last minutes in order to make it possible to penetrate the armour of that device, but she did not see that she had been very much successful with that. Wayne fired an acide grenade, demolishing the front of the Blomowitzer severely. Mindy looked consternated, but she did not really want to give up. Alas, the damage was just too big to move the machine comfortably around teh room, and thus one more successful laser bean from the cannon of Wayne Gilbert’s machine did it in. Mindy was in a stinky mood, and Josh had got a hard time comforting her.

Wayne boasted with his victory. 

But I had to object. “Wayne, you know very well that your machine would not have stood up to any of ours, without copying Quinn Pensky’s technology. Admit to it and credit Quinn, or you will rue the day! You will rue it!”

Wayne went pale, and he finally decided — albeit reluctantly — to credit Quinn in his winner’s speech. “She deserves the cup!”

The geek princess of Seattle came down to the stage as well.

I growled, “Now hug!”

They threw their arms around one another and started looking totally cute together.

Wayne explained how sorry he was for excluding Quinn from his team, because of the superhero graphic novels and the role costumes.

I grinned and walked away. This was not really a big loss for our team, was it?

#  Chapter 26  Rollercoaster Blues

##  26:1  Mystic Mountain

**Mystic Mountain Of The Seven Banners** was one of California’s hugest amusement park for the time being. Its main attractions were two rollercoasters: The **Demonator**26:1 and the **Spine Twister**.26:2

The company running the park had thus got two rollercoasters to offer. If some competitor dared to build a bigger one, they upgraded either the Spine twister or the Demonator to the new record size, while letting visitors use the other.

And now it was the right time for reopening the Demonator as America’s hugest and most terrifying rollercoaster. Of course many kids and others here in southern California were hell bent on joining this opening event, in order to be the first to have mastered the improved and upgraded Demonator.

The rulers of the company running the rollercoaster, had got a special idea for the reopening the demonator for the umptieth time, though:

Drake Parker and his band were highered for that avail, and they would sing their latest top song _Highway To Nowhere_ , with lyrics by Adelaide Singer and with a melody by Wendy Gellar. By the way: The latter was still a bit afraid of rollercoasters.

This was Drake’s first open air concert since spring fling. And as the concert at Première Theater had been cancelled, this was the next occasion for many of his fans to see him from face to face. Especially Neil Farrell, who wanted to try to join the band, and who had to learn that he needed to impress Gustavo Rocque in order to do so, was really excited. 

Mindy still hated Drake, but she deemed this concert an occasion to wreak havoc upon a variety of Drake fangirls.

##  26:2  Beginning Of The Concert

Megan and I were roaming the waste buckets arranged all over the open circus of the Mystic Mountain Of Seven Banners. And indeed, there was a bomb hidden in one of them. The two of use knew very well that this device had been built and hidden in there by no other than my cousin Mindy. Her insane war against the blond Mary Sue was still going on, and it was obvious that it required my full attentivity in order to prevent her from wreaking serious havoc. On the other hand, I did not want to denounce Mindy, either. This was a very difficult walk through crossfire.

I told Evelyn Kwong to annihilate the mechanism of the time-triggered sleeping gas bomb. She did niot have any problems doing so, and there was no need to inform any of the so-called security guards. For guards fooled so easily even by Mindy did not deserve that qualification.

Megan and I had got headcuffs to wear. This allowed us to fish out the most annoying noise that used to make our nerves go crazy, But we were still able to watch. 

Neil was ready to test the drums of Drake’s band. He had been let through upon Helen’s recommendations. She and Gustavo were now engaged, and, although they shouted regularly at each other, there was nuch much of a disagreement when it came down to what mattered in the end. He seemed to be very convincing, even in the ears of Gustavo.

The earth was shaking from Drake’s noise, which epitomised the hypsotasis of lif in this world as a never-ending perverted and futile willing, regardless of infinite pain and torture.

At the end of the frenetically applauded performance, Gustavo Rocque had got some important announce to make. He used the microphone, thundering through the sickening crowds:

>   
>  Listen!
> 
> Drake Parker, the most gifted of all poprock band leaders of this decade, and Ashley Blake, the greatest actress of the young generation, have decided to exchange promise rings!
> 
> The executive officer of the board of Mystic Mountain Of The Second Banner has issued these rings , shaped like the orbit of the Demonator.
> 
> Life of a young is an up and down, like a rollercoaster. Later on, it is only down, like a derailed rollercoaster cart.
> 
> Mr. Reginals Bitters, the director of Palmwood Springs, ids going to perform the ceremony here today, but there will also be a reception at said hotel next Saturday at high noon, don’t miss out on it!
> 
> That was it. Kelly, where are my pills?

So, our intuition concerning Drake and Ashley had not gone wrong. However, it was so obvious that much of the whole ado was just about publicity for Drake’s band, Malcolm’s movie, the Mystic Mountain Of Seven Banners, and of Hotel Palmwood Springs.

Megan grinned. “Now Drake has to wait until Ashley grows up, without looking for other girls, and that will take seven years!”

The creep was going to get this way what he deserved. And he should better not even dare to think about doing something behind Ashley’s back, or else he would feel the arms of bully tank Vincent Reese, the quarterback of Pacific Coast Academy football team and elder brother of Ashley.

Megan chuckled viciously when she looked at her jerk of an elder brother, who was probably not yet eve aware of what he was really about to promise and just thought that it would get him lots of fame and bucks.

##  26:3  The Ride

Wendy Gellar was in the queue as well, and she was really afraid of rollercoasters. In addition, she was consternated because Ashley and Drake were exchanging rings in front of her eyes. Now she needed to plunge into the adventure of the demonator — head first! Otherwise she would forever think that Drake had dumped her for being a coward. Now she hoped to change his mind by a courageous ride on the railway to nowhere.

But Wendy was not the one and only person in a similar situation: Michael barret, the co-moderator of aforementioned web show for extreme losers, had was hankering like a perverted idiot after Lisa Perkins, another member of Drake’s band. And he was also afraid of rollercoasters, fearing that he would lose Lisa’s attention once he turned out as the ultimate coward.26:3

Addie and Chase suggested that Wendy and Michael took a ride together. “So nobody will make fun of one another during the ride!” Then the two of them started hugging.

Chase was a bit conternated, because he had been hankering after Zoë Brooks for almost two years, and he had often made a complete idiot of himself by doing so. And now he had moved on. That was also the right mmoment for Wendy and Michael to do the same.

Megan and I had finally made it to the front of the seeminly endless queue. The clerk allowed us to ride together, inspite of our much too young age, for he feared the vicious fire in the eyes of my soul mate. She had got her oboe hidden in her coat, and the same was valid for my recorder. This would allow us for making some good music during the ride, as opposed to Drake’s penetrant noise. Our chioice was _Funiculì, Funiculà_.26:4 We sang along in our heads while we were lifted upward.

>   
>  Iamme dalla terra alla montagna  
>  Nu passo n’ cè  
>  Si vede Belleview e la PCA  
>  Io veco a te.  
>  Tirato cola fune dritto ’n fatto  
>  ’N celo se va  
>  Se va comm’ a lu vient al’intrasatto  
>  Gue saglie sà.  
>  Iamme, iamme, ’n coppa iamme ia!  
>  Iamme, iamme, ’n coppa iamme ia!  
>  Funiculì, funiculà, funiculì, funiculà  
>  ’N coppa iamme ia  
>  Funiculì, funiculà!26:5

We passed the position that made us see the seven banners that had provided for the mountain’s name, and they seemed to interrogate us, but we did not get distracted by them on our way up to the top.

Far down below, like killer rats in a cage, the maniac fight of Mindy Crenshaw against Zoë Brooks would go on and on and on, and the ultimate winner would be …

**_THE END_ **

* * *

1:1
     guest in _The iCarly Show_ : _iNevel_ , with a first name borrowed from the same actor’s character in some third-party owned production
1:2
    guest in _Drake & Josh_: _Girl Power_ , with a first name borrowed from the same actress’s character in some third-party owned production
1:3
    guest in _Drake & Josh_: _Girl Power_ , with a first name borrowed from the same actor’s character in some third-party owned production
1:4
    cf. _Drake & Josh_: _The Really Big Shrimp_
1:5
     guest in _The iCarly Show_ : _iWas A Pageant Girl_
1:6
     cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Silver Hammers_ and _The iCarly Show_ : _iWas A Pageant Girl_
1:7
     cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Quinn’s Alpaca_
2:1
     this recurring of _Drake & Josh_ is identified here with the same actress’s guest character in _Zoey 101_ : _Backpacks_
2:2
     cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iGive Away A Car_  
  
 _haberdashery_ is here to be understood in the British sense!
2:3
     cf. _Drake & Josh_: _Honour Council_
3:1
     mentioned occasionally in _The Troop_
3:2
     inspired by _The iCarly Show_ : _iMust Have Locker 239_
3:3
     cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iWin A date_
3:4
     cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iStart A Fanwar_!
4:1
     cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Megan’s New Teacher_
4:2
     guest in _Drake & Josh_: _Megan’s New Teacher_ , with a surname taken from the same actor’s character in some third-party owned production
4:3
    cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Girl Power_ , with a family name taken from the same actor’s character in some third-party owned production
4:4
    cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Treehouse_ , identified with the same actor’s cameo in _Zoey 101_ : _Favor Chain_
4:5
     anonymous cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Megan’s New Teacher_ , with aname borrowed from the same actor’s character in some third-party owned production
4:6
    cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Number One Fan_ with a surname borrowed from the same actor’s character in some third-party owned production
4:7
     guest from _Drake & Josh_: _Nuber One Fan_ , with a surname borrowed from the same actress’s character in third party owned _Camp Rock_  
  
also identified with an unportrayed Wendy mentioned in _Zoey 101_ : _Lola Likes Chase_
4:8
     identifies guests Sandy Baldwin from _Zoey 101_ : _Lola Likes Chase_ with Katie from _Drake & Josh_: _Megan’s New Teacher_
4:9
     cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Graannie_ with a name constructed from several characters by the same actress in several third-party owned productions
5:1
     cf. _Drake & Josh_: _Helen’s Surgery_
5:2
     guest from _Zoey 101_ : _Lola Likes Chase_
5:3
     recurring of _Drake & Josh_ identified with regular Vinnie Bassett from _Wendell & Vinnie_
5:4
    guest in _The iCarly Show_ : _iGood-Bye_
5:5
     Carly’s grandpa in _The iCarly Show_ : _iWant To Stay With Spencer_ et alibi, with a first name borrowed from the same actor’s character in some third-party owned production
5:6
     guiest in _Zoey 101_ : _Spring breakup_
5:7
     recurring in _Drake & Josh_, identified with the same actor’s guest character in _The iCarly Show_ : _iStart A Fanwar_
5:8
     multiple cameo in _Drake & Josh_, season four, identified with the same actress’s anonymous cameo in _Unfabulous_ : _The Quest_  
  
the surname is burrowed from the same actress’s part in some third-party owned production
5:9
     multiple cameo Rina from season 1 _Drake & Josh_, understood as a twin of the same actress’s character Misty Raines in _The Amanda Show_
5:10
     multiple cameo from season one _Drake & Josh_, with a surname borrowed from the same actor’s character in some third-party owned production
5:11
    multiple cameo from season one _Drake & Josh_, with a surname borrowed from the same actor’s character in some third-party owned production
6:1
    cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Football_
6:2
     recurring cameo in _Ned_ _’_ _s Declassified School Survival Guide_ , with a first name borrowed from the same actor’s part in some third-party owned production
6:3
    cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _To Idiots And A Baby_
6:4
     cf. _Drake & Josh_: _First Crush_
6:5
     cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Girls Will Be Boys_
7:1
     mentioned in several spots throughout _Drake & Josh_
7:2
    this star of _Unfabulous_ is here identified with the same actress’s anonymous cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Honor Council_
7:3
     this co-star of _Unfabulous_ is identified with the same actress’s anonymous character in _The iCarly Show_ : _iLook Alike_ and with **Cadence Nash** from _The Troop_
8:1
     appear in _Drake & Josh_: _The Guitar_
8:2
     various cameos in season two and three _Drake & Josh_, with a surname taken from the same actor’s cameos in _Zoey 101_ : _Pilot_ and _Zoey 101_ : _Good-Bye, Zoey!_
9:1
     cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Football_ , identified with unportrayed Mandy Franklin mentioned in _Zoey 101_ : _Chasing Zoey_
9:2
     cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Football_
10:1
     cf. _Drake & Josh_: _Honor Council_
10:2
     guest from _Drake & Josh_: _Smart Girl_
10:3
     guest in _Drake & Josh_: _Josh Is Done_
11:1
     guest from _Drake & Josh_: _Little Diva_
11:2
     cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Little Diva_
12:1
     third-party owned song by Drake Bell, also theme of _Drake & Josh_
13:1
    cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Number One Fan_ with a surname borrowed from the same actress’s character in some third-party owned production
13:2
     cf. _Drake & Josh_: _Honor Council_ and _Drake & Josh_: _Mindy Is Back_!
13:3
     guest in _Drake & Josh_: _Number One Fan_ with a surname borrowed from some character of teh same actress in some third-party owned production
13:4
     guest in _Drake & Josh_: _Mean Teacher_
14:1
     cf. _Drake & Josh_: _Mean Teacher_
14:2
     guest in _Drake & Josh_: _Mean Teacher_
14:3
     cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _The Gary Grill_
14:4
     cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Jet-X_
14:5
     mentioned in _The iCarly Show_ : _iLook Alike_
14:6
     anonymous cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _The Gary Grill_ with a name borrowed from the same actor;s character in third-party owned _JAG_
15:1
     guest in _The iCarly Show_ : _iCarly Saves TV_ , with a surname borrowed from the same actor’s co-star character from _Victorious_
15:2
     recurring in late episodes of _Zoey 101_
15:3
     guest in _Unfabulous_ : _The Song_
15:4
     recurring guest in a few episodes of _Big Time Rush_
16:1
     occasional cameo in season one and two of _Big Time Rush_
16:2
     cameo in _Big Time Rush_ : _Big Time Pilot_
16:3
     guest in _The iCarly Show_ : _iFix A Pop Star_
16:4
     guest in _Big Time Rush_ : _Big Time Photo Shoot_
16:5
     cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Jet-X_!
17:1
     according to _Drake & Josh_: _We’re married!_  
  
Yewdonia is probably a spoof off Estonia
18:1
     guest in _Drake & Josh_: _We’re Married_
18:2
     guest in _The iCarly Show_ : _iSaw Him First_ , with a family name borrowed from the same actor’s character in _Big Time Rush_
18:3
     cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Spring Fling_
18:4
     cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iNevel_
19:1
     guest from _Drake & Josh_: _Big Time Life_
19:2
     mentioned in _Drake & Josh_: _Helen’s Surgery_
19:3
     cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Jet-X_
20:1
     from _Drake & Josh_: _Paging Dr. Drake_
20:2
     guest from _Drake & Josh_: _Paging Dr. Drake_
20:3
     cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Paging Dr. Drake_
21:1
     cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Back At PCA_
21:2
     cf. _Drake & Josh_: _The Bet_
21:3
     mentioned in _The iCarly Show_ : _iStage An Intervention_
21:4
     cf. _Drake & Josh_: _iSell Penny Tees_
21:5
     guest in _The iCarly Show_ : _iStage An Intervention_
22:1
     guest in _Zoey 101_ : _Lola Likes Chase_
22:2
     guest character in _The Troop_ : _Batteries Included_
23:1
     cf. _Drake & Josh_: _Sheep Thrills_
23:2
     cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _Driver’s License_ , identified with an unportrayed Denise mentioned in _Drake & Josh_: _The gary Grill_
23:3
     cameo in _Zoey 101_ : _Quinn Misses The Mark_
23:4
     cf. _Drake & Josh_: _Peruvian puff Pepper_
23:5
     from _Zoey 101_ : _Quinn Misses The Mark_.
23:6
     fron _True Jackson VP_ : _Keeping Tabs_
23:7
     from _Zoey 101_ : _Quinn’s Alpaca_
24:1
     cf. _Ned_ _’_ _s Declassified School Survival Guide_ : _School Newspapers_
24:2
     regular of _Ned_ _’_ _s Declassified School Survival Guide_ with a first name borrowed from the same actor’s character in some third-party owned production
24:3
     from _Shredderman Rules!_ , identified with Francine Briggs from _The iCarly Show_ and with Jacqueline Bell from _Unfabulous_ : _The Gray Area_
24:4
     cf. _Drake & Josh_: _Pilot_
24:5
     cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Lola Likes Chase_
24:6
     guest in _Zoey 101_ : _Bad Girl_ , identified with Samantha Puckett from _The iCarly Show_
25:1
     Cal is a guest character in _The iCarly Show_ : _iGo Nuclear_ , but the name is taken from some Cal Meecham appearing in some third-party owned science fiction story
25:2
    cameo in _Ned_ _’_ _s Declassified School Survival Guide_ : _Getting Organized_ et alibi
25:3
     cf. _Drake & Josh_: _Mindy Likes Josh_!
26:1
     cf. _Drake & Josh_: _The Demonator_!
26:2
     cf. _Zoey 101_ : _The Rollercoaster_
26:3
     cf. _Zoey 101_ : _The Roller Coaster_!
26:4
     third-party owned song by Denza and Turco
26:5
    We go from the fields to the mountain, just a step away. We see Belleview and PCA, and I see you. Drawn by ropes, we go fast up to the welkin, we rise like the whirlwind, you know. Let’s go to the top!

* * *


End file.
